High Dudgeon

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to stop being cross? Even when you know you're being cross and you know it's just making people around you not want to be around you which is making you even more cross, it's really difficult to stop. The world has it in for me. It always has. It always will.

It's so wonderfully, awfully delicious to sink into a gray and skulking dungeon of general crankiness. The world has it in for me. It always has. It always will. Meanwhile, the world starts noticing the cumulonimbus skirting your hairline and withdraws. See? The world has it in for me. It always has. It always will.

It so addictive to wallow in the slovenly mud of self-debasement. Even knowing that I am doing it to myself, I continue to strain to hear the drumbeat. The world has it in for me. It always has. It always will.

Conference Crying?

Ok, so I'm sitting here at work. The company is having a company wide conference call at noon. No problem. I'll call in from upstairs even though I'm in the same building as most of the company. That way the baby won't be a bother to everyone. Easy. Just push the "mute" button if she gets fussy. My co-worker gives me the phone number to call and I dial in.

Talk, talk, talk.

Baby's getting fussy.

Oops, baby's getting really fussy. Better mute.

Oh shit, there's no mute button on this phone. WTF, there has to be a mute button. What phone doesn't have a mute button??

::turns phone around carefully::

There's still no mute button.

::hears steps on the stairs::

Great, it's so disturbing they sent my co-worker up because the baby's bothering people and I can't find the mute button.

Hmmm... he can't find the mute button either. Crap. I'll try to cover the mic with my thumb.

Ack, she's still fussing. Shhhhhhh, baby!!!!!

This isn't working!

::hears steps on the stairs::

Great, we must really be disturbing the call.

Oh, thank God, she's got a pamphlet - please tell me that's the phone booklet!!

It is - woohoo!!

*6

Ahhhhh...

Personal Trainer

Who'd'a thunk it? There are personal trainers out there that will come to your house for little more than you would pay them at the gym. And you don't have to leave your house. And you don't have to buy a gym membership. And you don't have to leave your house. And you can work with the equipment you have. Did I mention you don't have to leave your house?

I am making the first staggering steps to losing the baby weight. It is painfully (if deliciously and lazily) obvious that I need someone to keep me accountable, someone who will make sure I'm doing the exercises that will make most efficient use of the minimal amount of time I have available to exercise. I don't want to live the rest of my life being forced to shop at the fat chicks shops. (Yes, I know I should do it simply for wanting to be healthy but, frankly, that's just not as a big a motivator as not being able to find pants to fit my thighs. Sorry.)