A Day Like All The Others

Just a day, no reason to feel particularly good or particularly bad. Just a day. Nothing strikingly unusual - nothing even striking.

And I think that's why I'm blue. I got little done today (other than putting the maternity clothes in my dresser and packing the "regular" clothes away). (My husband, meanwhile, cleaned Katie's room and scrubbed the bathroom after cleaning the family room yesterday - I don't deserve this man.) I took a nap, my husband let Katie and me sleep instead of waking us for church, we had dinner, and now I'm here - instead of doing the work I ought to be doing. It was just a blobby, lazy, nothing kind of day. And I'm still wiped out.

I haven't finished the bracelet that I'm working on for class. I haven't really done any jewelry work in two weeks now (since I got back from the last show). I don't feel like doing the work I need to do for "work-work". Time just stretches forward in one long gray stretch of treadmill.

I wasn't always this way - I was a highly motivated, kick-work's-ass, do 8 things at once and have it work, kind of person. That was pre-Katie. I was just getting back to normal when it was time to start the Clomid again and then, of course, Thank God, we got pregnant. Ironically, I am grateful for the fatigue (and the nausea for that matter) as it generally means that intrauterine things are going well. But I am listless as well. (Well, semantically at least because, trust me, I am NOT list-less - I have lists coming out the wazoo.)

I think I'm also feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. Full-time childcare, half-time contract adminstration, two businesses that would flourish so much more if I could put the time and energy into them they deserve, and an independent studies class. And then, of course, there's the "Oh, I can do that for you!" sort of thing - like volunteering to transcribe a multi-part piece of music from a recording for choir. For the first time in my life, I am not keeping up. Sometimes, I wonder if this is an early stage of dementia. I just can't seem to keep my head on straight at times. Or is this just being a mom to a toddler and flooded with hormones?

And then there's the lack of anything interesting going on - no escapism. I've relied heavily on escapism for virtually all my life to get me through the drudgery of existence. And, at the moment, not only do I not have any time for escapism, there is really none on the horizon for quite a while.

Eh, don't mind me. I think I'll just say that "the baby ate my brain" and call it a day.