Don't Get Around Much Anymore

Missed the Saturday dance

It's been a little crazy here. We got John's dad buried then John went to Miami. Then I went to NY to do a jewelry show. Now we're heading into Holy Week with loads of rehearsals this week and next. I'm still sick. It's been, what, 7 weeks now? 8? But, hey, I'm out of the first trimester as of last Saturday at least, even if I can't breathe.

Heard they crowded the floor

So, I was told a week ago Sunday that my hours at work are being cut 25%. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to still have a job but I'm just not exactly sure how the mortgage is going to get paid without that $500. And what kind of galls me is that the leadership isn't cutting their hours, nosirrreebob. I did the bills today (and isn't that always a party and a half; I can't even drink afterward these days!). The medical bills from the pregnancy are starting to come in. $600 this month. In order to pay on the plastic, I had to pay one of the medical bills with plastic. How seriously fucked up is that?* But, hey, that puts us $600 more toward the $2500 deductible after which all is covered.

(*Just so that everyone knows, the bulk of our credit card debt is from a surprise $7700 tax bill and subsequent doubling of our estimated quarterly taxes (basically, we had $12,000 due to the IRS within 2 weeks of finding out about it) and not from big screen TVs, unnecessary clothes, or fancy cars - I am pleased to report that both cars are paid for, not so pleased to report that our 24" TV (the only TV in the house) is starting to develop a weird line in the middle, and distinctly embarrassed that I've had to stop wearing my tennis shoes out because they're just too holey. We had a nice cushion - that proverbial 3 months all the planners talk about - when he went into his own practice but, funny, how quickly that gets eroded when your income gets cut in half.)

So he's been pushing me to donate more to charity. I'm not exactly sure where he thinks it's going to come from. I had to lay it on the line for him today. I don't like having to do it. He internalizes it and beats on himself for not "providing" better. In fact, I absolutely hate having to do it. He gets depressed about the credit card debt and I always feel like he's blaming me (though I am no more a spendthrift than he is!) simply because I'm telling him what he doesn't want to hear. It's frustrating because I feel like I can't talk to him about it yet I can't talk to anyone else about it either because that upsets him too.

Couldn't bear it without you

Life isn't all bad though - my sister, God bless her, hosted a jewelry party - the proceeds of which should pay much of my jewelry business's expenses for the year. She also, bless her double and her children too!, cut my hair (with her son's round nosed school scissors, even) into a cute little 'do that is a vast improvement over the "D.W. haircut" I sported until she got at me.

I'm looking forward to Holy Week and the Stabat Mater in particular. I really wish I could find a way to record at least my aria. I'd love to hear it - you can never hear yourself properly when you sing.

John's mom appears to be holding up well. She's been moved into a smaller assisted living apartment where, provided the stock market doesn't fall too much further, she should be able to stay without a problem. I was going to call her to come visit tomorrow but Katie threw up tonight so I'm not sure I ought to be exposing an elderly woman to that.

Don't get around much anymore...

Thanks for listening.

Balancing on Someone Else's Back

Well, it's for certain that John's firm didn't get a piece of the town attorney work. The partners are bracing for the downturn of work.

As anyone involved in real estate in New England (and, indeed, the entire northeastern US) knows, real estate has been very slow and they've basically been carrying the real estate paralegal position since June or July hoping they'd get the town attorney thing would work out. They're going to lay their real estate paralegal off. They're going to tell her this Friday, her last day will be next Wednesday and they'll pay her for all of next week. They're also planning to send her with a glowing letter of recommendation and are making calls to the local title insurance company execs to see if they have any work to offer her. She'll also be getting her Christmas bonus. John knows it needs to be done; they've been overstaffed for quite a while. But even though he brought it up to his partner (who was a bit relieved as he thought so too but was having a hard time addressing it), it's really bothering him. She's an excellent employee - the best real estate paralegal he's ever had - reliable, smart, relatively unflappable. This is the really hard part of having all excellent employees; how do you choose who goes?

It bothers me too. They've made the right decision for business, I know; the 2 other secretaries have specialities that are busy and real estate is dead. They are clearly overstaffed for the work they've got. It just sucks because I know her husband's a drunken sot who can't be bothered to find steady work. She has a school-age daughter. What gives us the right to make sure our mortgage is paid at her expense? Just because I logically know this is the right decision and that, as business owners, they have to look to keeping the company afloat, doesn't mean that my conscience is easily assuaged.

I was able to cancel the B&B weekend - helps to be friends with the owner - and get a full refund. We may go over the winter or in early spring if money permits. We have a gift certificate that we won a while back for a free night's stay (Sun - Thurs) and a steakhouse dinner at the local casino (http://www.foxwoods.com/). We'll probably try to use that mid-January for a minibreak. Doesn't really do it for me (not fond of casinos) but I think we need the escape even if it's just overnight.

I will be installing a clothesline as soon as I make it Home Depot to get one. I also am switching the lightbulbs over to the compact fluorescent. For what my folks' electric bill has gone down, I think it's probably worth the upfront money for the OMG-expensive bulbs. It's also good for the environment, which is nice.

I cut my 401k contribution from 15% of my paycheck to 7.5%. I don't want to cut that out altogether because it's our only active saving for retirement right now but this will give us a little extra cash in the month.

Voice lessons are done for the time being. My voice teacher was great about it and I will still be singing with her choir in December.

We've decided to go forward with our Christmas party anyway. This year, though, when people ask if they can bring things, we're going to say 'yes' (where, in the past, we've usually just said, "just bring yourselves!"). We figured we needed the cheer.

My boss ok'd the extra 5 hours a week and she's working out what I can do now.

Still working on cutting the grocery budget but we've refrained from eating out so far. I want my Starbucks decaf nonfat extra-peppermint mochas but you do what you've got to.

We have decided to keep our dinner date with friends this weekend even though it requires a babysitter - they're buying dinner as congratulations that we're pregnant. (At least it's one of the $5/hr babysitters, not one of the $10/hr ones.) The only kicker with that is that I am *certain* the guy, at least, voted for the republicans and he's not shy about talking about politics. I am hoping that I will not have to deal with his political rhetoric - instant agita not to mention a fair amount of personal angst.

Thank you very much, everyone, for all your support; it means a lot to me. Well, I have an OB appointment in a half hour so I'd best get a move on. Out of the first trimester now. Less nausea, less tired, not feeling the baby yet (probably at least another month at my size).

If you guys could keep the real estate paralegal and her family in your prayers, I would appreciate it.

A Not So Brave New World

Well, we had an historic election here in Newington yesterday. The state requires a minimum number of seats go to the minority party. And for the first time since probably 1968, democrats have only the guaranteed number of minimum seats. The republicans swept the town. This has ramifications that go in all directions but let me talk a little bit about what led up to this from a political standpoint.

Two years ago, a former mayor ran against John (and creamed him) saying that under his watch taxes wouldn't be raised. Well, they were raised 6%. So much for campaign promises, huh? Well, this time, the republicans (for once) ran a campaign focused on a single issue - a 3% tax cap. Every thing they did focused on that tax cap. It was, clearly, effective. And, unlike the former mayor, they have the majority now and can pull it off. Unfortunately, the expenses in town, given oil and gas and so forth, are likely to go up more than 3% in a year. And, like most republicans, education is the lowest of the priorities. History has shown that good schools raise property values significantly and bad schools have the opposite effect. I can't believe the people in this town are that stupid. Actually, after last time, I should believe it.

Ok, so on to the personal ramifications.

1) We are considering moving away. Neither of us wants to bring our children up in a town that does not value education and where voters are so damn stupid. Any savings from a tax cap would not be enough to pay private school tuition anyway. I am not sure where we would go. It would have to be some place where the housing isn't godawful expensive (see point 2 below for more detail) and where education was important. I don't want to make a decision in haste but neither can we afford to wait until house values fall further.

2) The second ramification personally is that our income, which was already tight since John started his own firm, will be cut by about 30%. A little background here: after John lost the last mayoral election, he was surprised to learn that the guy that won had selected the "of counsel" attorney in John's firm as the town attorney (mayor selects the town attorney). The of counsel guy (a) doesn't go to court and (b) can't handle the volume so he paid John and his partner a monthly fee to go to court and handle the overages. Now, this would have ended no matter how the election went because the current mayor was not running again BUT John was in line to become the town attorney if the democratic candidate won. But, of course, she didn't. Thus, the decrease in income.

Ok, enough background... so I'm really glad John wasn't around when I found out the results. I ranted and railed and sobbed and yelled at God. November sucks in general (3 family deaths in November) and the last three Novembers have been awful. 2 years ago, John lost his mayoral election, last year, we lost our baby, and now this? I am, quite literally, just not sure how much more I can take without falling off an edge somewhere. I can't figure out why this shit keeps happening to us. We give back, we volunteer, we try to raise good and respectful children, we try to be good people. And still we keep getting whaled on.

I've started my "how to cut down" list.

• Cancelled the Netflix account. We're already down to the $10/mo/so-you-don't-pick-up-anything-but-Fox-without-cable cable and since John gets few pleasures, I'd really like to leave him that if I can.
  
• I'm going to stop my voice lessons - $40 every other week.
  
• And, obviously, we won't be going down to eat; I figure that's another $200/mo.
  
• I need to find a way to get John to eat his lunch at home instead of going to the salad bar at the grocery. Yes, it's only $5 day but x5 days in the week and x4 weeks in a month, that's another $100/mo. (see below on the trickiness of that though).
  
• I have to cancel our New Year's weekend B&B reservation - excuse me, I have to deal with whining toddler; ok, back. - this morning; hopefully, I still can.
  
• I am moving the heat from 65 to 62 in the main part of the house (we keep it at 60 upstairs and in the addition) - that's more a long term thing since we're on a budget plan.
• We're already really pretty good about not leaving lights on in unoccupied rooms, etc. and making sure washes, etc. only get run if full. Ooh, I can get a clothesline - of course, it won't be warm enough to use it much longer but, hey, I'll save what I can.

Even harder than trying to figure out how to cut 30% out of a budget that had very little fat anyway is figuring out how to support John. He takes the slow growth of his firm very personally and judges himself by his professional and financial success. I try to redirect the conversation and put off decisions so that I don't have to say "we can't afford it" because I know he takes it personally. (Not that he thinks I'm slamming him, but he does blame himself that he's not providing all the nice things in life he wants and wants us to have.) I try to reassure him that all businesses take time to get established and that most businesses, according to the IRS, don't turn a profit for at least five years. I am really worried about the effect this will have on him. I am just not sure how to boost him up - which is essential for two reasons: mainly, I want him to be happy but, also, a negative person attracts more negativity and has a much harder time achieving their goals.

I am well and truly frightened, both financially and for John.

Living for Beads, Beading for Life

My sister and I recently decided to set a limit on the cost of gifts our families buy for one another. We're both having some, um, interesting financial times and it seemed only prudent. It got me thinking (well that and LauraJ's posts on being frugal!). Granted this can be a dangerous thing as I've only a few untainted braincells available for such a purpose but thinking I was. Then I read about this group today in a fellow jewelry designer's blog: http://www.beadforlife.org/beaders/beaders.html

It's so easy to forget, as we struggle to pay our mortgages or take our family on vacation or even grab a bite at a McDonald's, that in many parts of the world, a vacation would be anytime they have enough to eat and aren't falling down from exhaustion. As the holiday season is coming up, if you know any crafty people (they sell loose beads), people that like world music (their group cut a CD), people that would love a little handmade jewelry pouch, or people that like unusual jewelry, please consider a purchase from the Bead for Life store: http://www.beadforlifestore.com/servlet/.3fbe5b94/StoreFront

Yes, I know I make and sell jewelry and, obviously, I love every purchase anyone makes from me, but I can (usually) pay my mortgage. These people often can't put more than one meal on the table a day - and that's exaggerating as they don't have tables. Sometimes, they don't even have cooking pots, mattresses or cots, or a cupboard to store what little they do have.

I've bought a couple CDs and a bunch of loose beads, which you'll see start turning up in my work soon, no doubt.

Other ideas for holiday gifts with added meaning?
http://shop.thehungersite.com/store/category.do?siteId=220&categoryId=284&origin=101171
(if you order the recycled silk yarn, be aware that it is NOT for beginners!)
http://www.supportunicef.org/site/pp.asp?c=9fLEJSOALpE&b=258522
http://www.alternativegifts.org/
http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.204586/