If you touch me, You'll understand what happiness is

We did backrubs in choir Wednesday. I love when we do backrubs in choir for all the obvious reasons we do them but it always surprises me how much I like them. And I think I've finally figured out why. It's the touch. I don't get touched really.

I'm not a terribly touchy-feely person. I like my personal space a fair piece larger than most. But I realized that I don't often get touched except by the little ones who are more than happy to hang on me as much as I'll let them. I think it's a hazard of being home with them and working from home, maybe; there just aren't those small encounters where someone might pat your arm briefly or put their hand on your shoulder, those little inter-personal interactions that show someone recognizes you're there and cares about you.

I remember (and, yes, I'm dating myself a bit here) a Scarecrow & Mrs. King episode where Amanda is explaining to Lee how she knows that a particular pair who are pretending to be a couple don't love each other. They don't touch each other, she says. People who love each other do. (Of course, she says this with her hand on Lee's arm...)

The isolation of working from home, of taking care of small children, of always being busier than one has any right to be... the things we sacrifice for 'having it all'... as the song puts it, "something's got to give."

I realized, after I thought about this, that a goodly reason of why my kids hang on me is that I'm always busy trying to Get Stuff Done. So I am resolving to touch them more. To try to show them through my actions that I love them. Whether it's just a pat on the head as I pass them, an extra kiss at bedtime, a hug during the day, I will try to make sure they don't come to the same realization that I did - because, when it comes down to it, we all need that little reassurance that someone realizes that we're there and is glad of it.

~~~
Memory, Cats.

Holy Shit, It's Been A While...

I am so bad.
Every time I have something to blog about, I don't have time to blog.
I say to myself, "Self, I will blog about this later!"

When later arrives, I have a curiously empty head.
Go figure.

So, quick update on what's going on:

• I sing in two choirs right now - a SATB choir at one church and a women's choir at my home church. I was getting paid at the SATB choir but not the women's choir. I got an offer in mid-December for the section leader job in the women's choir but only if I also took a section leader job with my home church's SATB choir. The big kicker to that, though, is that I'd have to give up my other SATB choir job. They were willing to let me finish out my contract though and join them next year.
  
  I love the people I sing with at my SATB job. They are wonderful people. I enjoy the choir director and really appreciate how he took a chance on a singer with very, very little professional experience. I also love the director of my women's choir - she's a great director and actually helped me get my SATB job. I wrestled and wrestled with the decision.
  
  Well, two or three days after I got the offer, the director at my SATB job called to say that the way the church budget was looking, they might be eliminating all the section leader jobs. They'd know in February probably. I still wrestled with it but, essentially, that information made the decision for me and I let him know December 23rd that I wouldn't be back next year.
  
  So, as of next year, I'll be professionally singing in two choirs in my home church. This will cut out one night of rehearsal, which my husband appreciates greatly, and mean that I won't wind up with conflicts between choir obligations. I will miss my SATB job people a lot though.
  

• My middle child had ear tubes put in last May to correct a hearing problem caused by a lot of excess fluid that just wouldn't drain. She's hearing perfectly now but her speech hasn't caught up. She's being evaluated tomorrow by the Birth-to-3 people for possible speech therapy.

• The youngest, now 4 months, is a hefty 17 pounds 14 ounces. He's a little chunkalunk and looks like one of those garden gnomes - too freakin' cute. He's eating mush now and teething. There is much wailing and gnashing of soon-to-be teeth going on in this household.

• I get to see one of my college friends (Harriet the Spy) who I haven't seen since I got married nearly 13 years ago a week from Friday when she comes into town for a musicology conference! I am beside myself with excitement. (me) (me) (see?)

• I have committed to losing 100 pounds. I am done doing fertility drugs and having children - got my tubes felchie-clipped while they were in there taking Matthew out - I have no more excuses. So, as of January 4th, I started The Big Diet. So far, I've lost 10.7 pounds.
  
  I'm using sparkpeople.com to keep track of what I eat and I get a $10-15 reward for every 10 pounds. (For any who might be wondering, my first reward was Rebecca Luker's Greenwich Time album - what a stunning voice she has!)
  
  I'm doing Zumba twice a week to help boost the weight loss. Ok, one observation: if you are lithe and coordinated enough to do Zumba, you don't need to Zumba. Another observation, you've never seen flobblyness jiggle quite so much as mine does whilst I do Zumba. I look like the three-tiered jello mold from the feast scene in the animated version of The Grinch. Seriously, I do. I am, needless to say, doing this from home. Why "needless to say"? Trust me, you'd've heard the screams no matter where you live had I ventured to do this in public.
  

I had a lovely solo at Christmas that I'd hoped to get posted by now. I still haven't even downloaded Audacity on my new laptop yet. I'll get it up eventually, much to everyone's chagrin, no doubt!

Alrighty, I must go buy my sister a swivel sweeper for her birthday. I know, I know! It's what she asked for though... what can I say? She's weird but I love her anyway!! Hopefully, next time, I'll post sooner.