You'd think that, this being my second pregnancy, I would be more calm about it. Nope. In fact, I think I'm more nervous this time than the last time. Maybe it's because I know so much more now about what can go wrong.
- I worry that I'm not queasy all over the place.
- I worry that I'm jinxing my baby by being secretly relieved that I'm not queasy all over the place.
It's kind of ironic that I was actually relieved to have a very nasty bout of nausea on Tuesday that made me lay with my face on the nice, cool floor for almost an hour until the world stopped spinning.
- I worry that, when I went to the OB for the first time, the baby was so small he thinks we were a week off on the conception date.
I know we didn't have, um, relations that following week so if he's right, it means old sperm which could mean all sorts of things.
- I worry that he could barely see the baby even with an internal ultrasound.
What if it's not developing?!
- I worry that my age is going to be an even greater factor this time in the prenatal development (I'll be 40 in April).
I mean, we got lucky the first time - no neural tube defects, no age-related issues (so far) for Little Girl - what are the chances we'll get lucky again?
Somehow, the typical worries of having a second child (how will Little Girl adapt, do we really have the energy to have 2, what if we get a colicky baby this time, etc.) aren't bugging me nearly as much as the irrational ones. I think this all relates to the fact that we had a much easier time getting pregnant this time. It took only a year (and not 3+). It just feels too easy.
Of course, I'm probably jinxing myself by saying that. We'll probably wind up with twins or something (the chance of which goes up as the mother ages). Ack!! Can you even imagine??
I worry, too, that my posts aren't more intellectual and are more of an emotional burp. Sorry about that!
Word of advice: If you are mourning a pet, don't go cruising at petfinders.com until you know you're ready to bring another one home. Or, if you decide to anyway, have a large box of tissues at hand.