Oct 14, 2007

A Day Like All The Others

Just a day, no reason to feel particularly good or particularly bad. Just a day. Nothing strikingly unusual - nothing even striking.

And I think that's why I'm blue. I got little done today (other than putting the maternity clothes in my dresser and packing the "regular" clothes away). (My husband, meanwhile, cleaned Katie's room and scrubbed the bathroom after cleaning the family room yesterday - I don't deserve this man.) I took a nap, my husband let Katie and me sleep instead of waking us for church, we had dinner, and now I'm here - instead of doing the work I ought to be doing. It was just a blobby, lazy, nothing kind of day. And I'm still wiped out.

I haven't finished the bracelet that I'm working on for class. I haven't really done any jewelry work in two weeks now (since I got back from the last show). I don't feel like doing the work I need to do for "work-work". Time just stretches forward in one long gray stretch of treadmill.

I wasn't always this way - I was a highly motivated, kick-work's-ass, do 8 things at once and have it work, kind of person. That was pre-Katie. I was just getting back to normal when it was time to start the Clomid again and then, of course, Thank God, we got pregnant. Ironically, I am grateful for the fatigue (and the nausea for that matter) as it generally means that intrauterine things are going well. But I am listless as well. (Well, semantically at least because, trust me, I am NOT list-less - I have lists coming out the wazoo.)

I think I'm also feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. Full-time childcare, half-time contract adminstration, two businesses that would flourish so much more if I could put the time and energy into them they deserve, and an independent studies class. And then, of course, there's the "Oh, I can do that for you!" sort of thing - like volunteering to transcribe a multi-part piece of music from a recording for choir. For the first time in my life, I am not keeping up. Sometimes, I wonder if this is an early stage of dementia. I just can't seem to keep my head on straight at times. Or is this just being a mom to a toddler and flooded with hormones?

And then there's the lack of anything interesting going on - no escapism. I've relied heavily on escapism for virtually all my life to get me through the drudgery of existence. And, at the moment, not only do I not have any time for escapism, there is really none on the horizon for quite a while.

Eh, don't mind me. I think I'll just say that "the baby ate my brain" and call it a day.

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Anonymous harriet said...

I remember when I was pregnant with AJ wondering how anyone could ever have small children and be pregnant. I was so tired all the time that I used to go to bed almost as soon as I got home from work. And that was mighty early, seeing as I lived less than two blocks from my office. Something about pregnancy, perhaps the whole notion of waiting for something to happen, had the effect for me of sometimes turning the extraordinary into the mundane or the mundane to the extraordinary, depending on my point of view in any given day. It doesn't help the boredom to know it, but you area hero just for getting through it all. The rest will keep.

10:52 PM  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

I cannot say why but maybe not being excited is your bodies way of telling you to slow down and enjoy what is there...Start telling everyone who asks for something...no and watch how you perk up when the end ( of the projects) is near, lol!

3:57 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

Saying no is a really hard thing to do, I know where you are coming from. And of course, it's so easy to tell someone else they take on too much, they need to say no to somebody other than themselves... easier said than done, I know.

If it helps, the next time someone asks you to do something, picture me standing behind them with a 2x4 of doom ready to slap your hand if you even hint at saying yes. :)

At least, start with "Maybe... let me check my schedule and get back to you". That will give you some relief of the pressure of having to make a decision RIGHT NOW, you can walk away, look at your projects/work/family/need-to-sleep and get a clear picture of just how possible or impossible their simple request is. Then call them and say "I looked at my workload and it turns out I just can't take another thing on right now." They know you gave some time and consideration to their request, and you don't have to feel so guilty saying no.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

^^^ What she said! ^^^ ;-D

10:23 AM  
Blogger Greta said...

must be in the air....i really could just bite someone's head off and chew it up and spit it out!!

Glad all is well sista!! take deep breaths and another nap...it'll all be good....lmao

5:19 PM  
Blogger smileymamaT said...

As long as you're not putting your clothes on backward, it's not dementia (that's what my Dr. said at least) lol....and I gotta second Jade there, it's pretty hard to say yes with a 2x4 of doom nearby....
:) just keep resting, the world actually will keep turning.

9:06 PM  

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