Hormones Suck

No, I'm not on any hormones other than those naturally already created by my body but they seem to be in huge abundance this month.

My menstrual cycle started with a big (1.5") round clot with a dab of white/cream material in the middle. It looked like a fried egg courtesy of Hieronymous Bosch, a pointed and macabre reminder of the typical failure of my body to create and sustain life. And, somehow, knowing that we conceived but miscarried is worse than figuring the sperm and the ova hung out at different bars.

Yet another month.

Yet another failed attempt.

Another discussion on how long we'll "try".

Hormones suck.

Does It Say Colonel Anywhere On My Uniform?

Another blow against mommydom, this time by my so-called "family friendly" company. So much for mothers ruling the world!

I work primarily from home. Before I had Katie, I went in to the office one day a week. When I was pregnant, they pleaded with me to keep coming in once a week once I had the baby. I did not think this was a good idea. Still, I agreed... reluctantly.

Last week, my boss told me there had been a complaint and They don't want the baby there anymore. We settled on a much reduced in-office schedule (a couple of hours every other week just after the baby's napped and been fed).

Now, my issue here is not what you would think. I don't have a problem with them not wanting the baby there. It's a business, after all. And while she is a pretty well-behaved baby, even well-behaved babies have bad days. My issue is the way it was handled. I have a real problem with being pushed into doing something and then made to feel like an inconsiderate idiot when I do it!

I didn't think it was a good idea to begin with. I also knew I simply wouldn't be able to do it much longer anyway. Once she starts crawling, there would be no way to keep her safely restrained in an office. But, God forbid I be allowed the dignity of a discussion where I'd be allowed to discuss the situation with my boss.

I also have a problem with the ball-less wonder who tried to let my boss take the flak instead of owning up to making the complaint. (I have a real problem with people that don't have the balls to tell me to my face they have a problem with my behaviour and then to try to make my boss the bad guy/girl? How freakin' rude.) And it's not like we don't know who it was. Oh, he may have tried to stay anonymous but - ha HA! - he was found out by my intrepid coworkers (50-something year old ladies who dote on the baby) and made to feel like an ass. Worse for him, one of my coworkers told one of the senior folks who found it typical and every time he calls for the ball-less wonder, he now asks for the "babyhater". Heh heh heh.

P.S. Ok, so the quote doesn't really fit; I have RDA as Jack O'Neill on the brain. Sue me. ;)

Three, actually.

I was in the post office today picking up my mother's mail (something for which she will not be nearly grateful enough). Our post office is kind of slow. Ok, it's one of the slowest I've ever been to. The line moves at a speed only slightly more rapid than glacial. Grouchy customers are the norm and one, today, stormed out the door, having an outburst about this was the worst post office he'd ever been to and how it had awful, slow, and stupid employees.

Not being the brightest bulb in the chandelier myself, and being possessed of a somewhat irreverent sense of humor, I said (obstensibly to my daughter), "grouchy customers too..."

While several of the customers in line did, indeed, seem to find this funny (it released a great deal of the tension that Mr. Cranky left floating), Mr. I Stood Behind Mr. Cranky And I'm Now Cranky Too said, snottily, "well, some of us have a real job and can't afford to stand around all day waiting for government workers!"

Now, I know that I kind of brought that on myself. I also know that responding to it would do no good; so I didn't. But. Oh, the but...

I wanted to turn around and tell him I have a real job. Three, actually. One which pays regularly, one which pays occasionally, and one (the one he was implying was not real) which doesn't pay at all.

[[Hang on, job 3 is crying and job 1 is on the phone...]]

[[Ok, 3 is put to nap, 1 is off the phone, and, although I really have to follow up with a potential client on job 2, I'm back. (Blogging is much more fun than marketing.)]]

I think I must have been a warrior in another lifetime. I desperately want to strike back at snotty people but I know I shouldn't for any number of reasons, the biggest one being that it never really makes you feel better because you know you're not going to change their opinion.

Having this happen makes me appreciate all the more graymama's forebearance with the unenlightened. I have not that kind of patience but I'm trying.

May God grant me the patience I need to deal with people like that and the understanding to see past their public flaws to the human underneath.