Aug 6, 2006


Thank the Lord. The iPod Nano that I pre-loaded with his CDs was a hit. Enough of a hit that he asked me to show him how to use it this morning (normally, his presents sit for weeks before he puts them into use) and then went running with it.

It's always dicey with John - I'm never sure whether I'm getting him the right thing for his birthday/Christmas/whatever. The only other time I remember him being this excited about something is the time I got him an American flag (the kind that stands in an auditorium, complete with pole, gold braid, and brass stand). Mostly, he asks for clothes or says,"oh, nothing," when asked what he wants.

I am beyond relieved; I'm thrilled.

John and I, you see, have antithetical views on birthdays.
His view
: You should celebrate everyone everyday and not have a special day for anyone.
My view
: There aren't enough celebrations in life and, frankly, I haven't noticed anyone going out of their way to celebrate me in the general way of things. Besides, it's a great excuse to eat cake.
So you can see what a quandary we have.

I honored his wishes this year - mostly - as difficult as it is. No cake. Presents, yes. Dinner out but just pizza like we normally might on a Saturday night. No party. No balloons. No streamers. Hopefully he will remember this come next April and honor my birthday beliefs.

Part of the reason it is so difficult for me to honor his birthday views is that it makes me feel rotten. It makes me feel (a) guilty that I'm not doing for him what I'd want done for me and (b) greedy that I want a fuss made over me.

Part of me can't help thinking that he must think I'm awfully self-centered to want a fuss and maybe that's why he seems to be so reluctant to indulge my birthday desires. It always seems like such an imposition for him.

Still, let the record reflect that despite my guilt and greed feelings, I did what he wanted.

The defense closes.


Anonymous harriet said...

That's a tough situation. I dated someone like that for a while and it was a much more challenging difference of opinion than I ever would have expected. I'm totally on your side, however. What difference does it make to have a celebration? I'd take celebration over presents any day of the week. Of course, I'd rather have both.... But hopefully as K. gets bigger, he'll come around. You've got to play it up for kids. I couldn't believe how upset AJ was that I didn't have a birthday party. He needs celebrations for others as well as for himself. It's how he learns to be on the other side of the celebration. He needs a chance to make people feel special too. And so will K.

3:55 PM  
Blogger graymama said...

He needs a chance to make people feel special too.--harriet

I think this is so true. What people really want is to help others feel special and to feel special themselves. PPG, you could bring it up to John in this fashion. If everyday is a celebration of someone’s uniqueness, why can't one day be a bigger celebration than the other days? How does he celebrate you everyday? If he doesn't, then you deserve birthday hoopla.

I am glad that he liked his gift! He should remember that feeling and pass it on to you :-)

12:33 AM  
Blogger Jade said...

I'm putting this on my calender... next year I'll send you a birthday card really early, with "Happy Birthday!" stamped all over the outside of the envelope. Make sure you leave it sit out as a giant, neon reminder to him of the date that is coming up. I think we should all do that, as a matter of fact... get a giant pile of really bright Happy Birthday stuff sitting where he can see it every day...

OH! I know... pile them on his iPod, then when he asks you where it is, tell him it's under the mail pile!

1:43 PM  
Blogger graymama said...

heehee. I am game to add to the birthday pile :-)

2:22 PM  
Blogger peppypilotgirl said...

I didn't even think of how it would affect K, Harriet, but you are absolutely right. If she isn't afforded the opportunity to see people making other people feel special, how will she learn that it's important to do that and how to do so?

As Graymama said, "why can't one day be a bigger celebration than the other days?" Amen!

In re: the card plot - you guys are the greatest!

10:14 PM  

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