A Dash of This, A Pinch of That

• Why is my camera always on the other side of the room when I want it? I looked over while Evie was eating dinner tonight. She was skewering her hot dog slices on the pointed tip of a big fat crayon before using the crayon as a utensil. Note to self: be sure to provide a fork in the future!

• Matthew appears to be back on the weight gaining track. He'd lost, then gained in the hospital, then lost some more as of the end of last week. My thought is that second loss was due to me stopping the morphine (damn!) - either the increased pain level inhibited milk let-down or maybe he was missing the dope hitting his system through the milk. At any rate, hopefully we're back on the gain train for good now.

• The Syracuse Medical Cootie Problem continues - this time, the ER visits spread outside the family to my sister's friend (chest pains, she's ok now).

• Oh, and we, too, were visited by the Syracuse Medical Cooties. Evie wound up in the ER at the children's hospital Saturday night after having possibly eaten part of a mushroom in the yard. (She's fine - a dose of activated charcoal and some observation.) Two observations on the event: (1) the CT Poison Control people are great and (2) it's very helpful that our pediatrician is a bigwig at the children's hospital. He called to let them know John was coming with Evie and he didn't have to wait on queue at all.

• Feeling a bit isolated these days. It's funny how even the small interactions with store clerks or the preschool teachers can make one feel connected to the world and how deprived one feels when one can't even leave the house. I do realize, of course, that people are busy and this, too, shall pass; but, as my friend Marla says, "yeah, like a kidneystone!"
  

• I am grateful for John, who has been an enormous help. It's hard for me to accept the help. I feel guilty that I'm not doing more. I forget (though, to his vast credit, he does not) that feeding the baby is work too. Even though it takes up probably a good 8 hours a day (8-12 feedings of 30-60 minutes each, then the concurrent diaper changes)k, I'm just sitting on my ass while doing it so it makes me feel quite the lazy bum.
  

• Particularly when the girls are being truly wretched. Jealousy, exhaustion - not good for anyone's temper and the combination is really ... unpleasant. Evie is just getting into the tantrum age anyway and has taken to beating on her older sister (to Katie's credit, for the most part, she just bursts into hysterics instead of hitting back).
  

• I'm back at work (since last Wednesday, a week after my c-section) 10 hours a week. Thank the Lord in heaven it's from home but, still, between that in the evenings, watching 3 kids all day, recovering from abdominal surgery, and being woken 2-3x night, I am too tired to even get myself carried away in a good make believe.
  

• Next doc appointment on Wednesday. Should get ok'd to drive but, still, Matthew's too young to really go anywhere - particularly with all the H1N1 crud. But maybe I can get a spare half hour to just go for a drive or something by myself some night. As long as I'm back by the next feeding (an hour and a half apart lately - methinks a growth spurt is coming on).

Alright, enough.
Later.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Matthew William Patrick Kelly
8 lb 5 oz, 19.5" long


















Evie at 17 months
Yogurt is good! Spoon usage? Not so much. ;)

















Katie at 4 years
All imaginative sociability

















And my heart is in your hands too, my own dear children.

We Have Ignition in 3-2-1...

Less than 12 hours to go.

Thanks for all the good wishes, everyone! I'll post as soon as possible after - probably Sunday night or Monday.

T-minus 1.25

Katie has now been duly feted for her birthday. I cannot believe she's 4 already. Yow.

Only 29.25 hours until we leave for the hospital. It's damn weird this whole scheduled thing. I mean, Katie's birth was scheduled but the induction didn't take and it quickly went to unscheduled. Evie had a c-section scheduled but then, of course, arrived a month early without warning. It's just odd knowing that "ok, tomorrow I need to do blah-blah-blah because we need to get up early Wednesday."

I'm now officially on maternity leave - I know I'll have to check my work email tomorrow at least briefly but, other that that, I will not be doing work-work for the next week. Back at the keyboard for that on the 23rd.

Alrighty, I still have Katie's lunch to make and 18 cupcakes to frost for tomorrow. Yes, I bought the cupcakes for most of her class but this one poor kid has a violent peanut allergy and can't eat them. The preschool teachers won't let her eat anything I might make and send in for her either. So, I made the cupcakes, frosted a few and ran them over the backyard to her mom to send in with her. If they won't let her eat what her mom sends, then we're in bad shape for sure.

Oh, by the way, my dad was fine this a.m. so I'm pretty sure it was that he overdid it. We're on for Wed. a.m.

'Night all. Baby in less than a day and a half. Yikes!!

T-minus 2.5

Wrote this post once, damn Blogger ate it!

Ok, let me start with a little medical background refresher for my family for the last month...
August 14th... my sister has her knee put back together from a complete ACL and partial MCL tear.
August the next week... she passes out and convulses in her bedroom - double pulmonary embolism.
August/September... my brother-in-law (sister's hubby) winds up in the hospital with some sort of bladder issue *and* viral meningitis.
Two days after that... my dad is diagnosed as needing a (basically) immediate hip replacement.
Today... my parents arrive in CT from NY. Dad gets sick with vertigo, nauseau, and chills.
Also today... my sister-in-law is diagnosed with Lyme Disease and sky high BP.
Also today... my youngest has been running a high enough fever all day that we've been crisscrossing the ibuprofen and acetaminophen - no other symptoms.

As you can see, we've got some pretty damn nasty medical/bad luck cooties floating around.

So, here's my problem. I'm having major abdominal surgery Wednesday morning and, of course, it's not like they can put it off. Katie turns 4 tomorrow. We're supposed to be having my folks and John's mom over for dinner tomorrow. Also, my parents are supposed to be babysitting my children at 5 a.m. on Wednesday whilst I go have the aforementioned major abdominal surgery. I do not have any urge to catch whatever Dad's got right before said surgery. I have no urge to have my children catch whatever Dad's got when I won't be around to take care of them. I have even less of an urge to have a newborn exposed to this shit. Do I disinvite Dad to the birthday celebration? Will Mom be carrying enough exposure to expose us? Should I be finding an alternate sitter for Wednesday a.m. (pretty damn difficult to find someone for that early on such short notice!)? I don't want to cause a family rift here... maybe I'm overreacting?

Got The Suitcase just about packed - one thing I learned from the last 2 stays is that what you really need most is stuff to do, decent shampoo, and toothpaste. It gets boring lying around in bed, particularly when you're still attached to a catheter and can't move around. Also, when you're finally allowed to shower, you really don't want to use the industrial strength bar soap provided. And, of course, toothpaste isn't provided. Worse to worst, you can always use your finger if you don't have a toothbrush but it's not the Ritz... they don't have a front desk to keep you stocked.

In other news, got my hair cut - yay! Now sporting a very Tasha Yar-esque 'do. Good thing is I like it. Bad thing is I like it... I'm supposed to think it's too short. I, unfortunately, don't. And the shorter my hair is, the more often I have to have it cut, which gets expensive.

Any advice out there on the family medical situation?

T-minus 3.5

Just in case anyone was wondering, screw-mount drawer locks are a bitch to put in. Two down, three to go. Not sure I'm going to make it on that one.

I was also supposed to pack The Suitcase today. Didn't get there.

Did get down to Ikea though to get the easel for Katie's birthday and made the lovely discovery that its price was knocked down from $25 to $15, allowing me to buy the paper roll holder thingie as well.

Made quiche yesterday - 3 of 'em. Two went in the freezer and we ate one (well, most of one... ok, well, John and Katie weren't enamored so *I* ate most of one and they picked at it) for dinner. I'd like to get a lasagne made and frozen too - I need to get those no-boil lasagne noodles first though.

Last night was rough. Katie wouldn't go down for screaming, got up in the middle of the night and wouldn't go down (again), and then got up at an ungodly hour and screamed some more. What was she screaming about, you ask? Get this. She was screaming because Evie was babbling at her. Of course, the more she screams, the more Evie ramps it up, thinking it's a game. Absofuckinglutely ridiculous. I also got up seven, yes seven, times to pee.

Oooh, and I got a package today! Fun!! I haven't opened it yet but I'm thrilled!!

Alrighty, I'm babbling and tomorrow is also a day. G'night all.

A Different Day

It's pouring today - gray skies, chilled air. More late October than early September.

It was not this way 8 years ago. It was one of the most stunningly beautiful early fall days I've seen. The sky was blue - oh so very blue - and the air was the perfect fall temperature - just warm enough to make a jacket unnecessary. The leaves were just starting to turn here on a few trees.

It was, in short, utterly incongruous with the hatred- and jet-fuelled destruction unleashed on New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania. A day filled with that much horror should have had weather in keeping: rain, snow, windchill, sleet. Anything but the crystalline clarity of the colors and air that surrounded us.

Though I still enjoy that type of fall day very much, I can't help but think of the lives lost that day when I experience one.

T-minus 5.5

Had the first women's choir rehearsal of the season tonight. Didn't need to go, I suppose, given that I won't be singing for another month plus but I needed to get out of the house. It's my only "adult only" activity - singing - and I've missed it sorely over the summer!

Turns out my passenger missed it too! Or maybe he was objecting to it. Hard to tell. He danced about a fair amount though!

Last gym visit before his arrival was today as well. Guess I'll start packing the suitcase (i.e., the repurposed gym bag - LOL) tomorrow.

T-Minus-6.5

As in, 6.5 days until the occupant makes his way, via slice in my abdomen, into the world. You'd think I'd be relaxed and calm by now, that I wouldn't worry about him and just be focused on getting through the last week of discomfort.

Now, don't get me wrong, being this pregnant is distinctly uncomfortable. But.

But I worry. I know way too much about what can go wrong. Sure, our loss was early on but I know a lot of people who lost their babies at the last minute. Cord accidents, true knots, placental abruptions, previously undiagnosed genetic disorders. If he's not moving, I worry that he's still. If he's moving, I worry that he's working his umbilical cord into a knot or around his neck.

It doesn't help that I'm beat and don't really have the energy to do the last few remaining things that need to be done (or can't - i.e., put the new, narrower car seats in the backseat - I simply don't fit it my backseat at this point). He's dropped so I'm sleeping better at least - I can breathe without stabbing pain in my stomach. But I can't focus for the worry.

Anybody got a nice shiny object?

Ahhhhh, Back to School

So, my blood pressure fell by tens of points today. My nearly 4 year old went back to preschool - 9:30 - 2:30 T, W, and Th this year. I'd feel guilty about how good I feel about this but for three things: (1) she LOVES school, (2) she's much better behaved when she returns (which doesn't say much for my parenting, I'll admit) and, best of all, (3) I like her a LOT better for having the break from her during the day.

I got an hour to myself this afternoon while the 16 month old was napping. It was glorious. Yes, I should have folded the laundry. Yes, I should have finished up the bills. Yes, I should've changed the sheets in the crib and put away all the girls' too big/too small clothes that are cluttering up the nursery. Yes, I should done any number of practical things that are hard to do with the kids about. Screw that shit. The sunroom was the perfect temperature with the windows open and I looked out on a sunny cheerful backyard, it was quiet and peaceful, and I was alone. Alone!!! I played on Facebook and sent a couple of long, chatty emails to friends. Totally fucking worth it.

Cheers all!