Aug 30, 2007

I Just Can't Do This

Dear God,

I just can't do this. I've got people scolding me because Katie's not potty trained by now; I've got other people scolding me that I "shouldn't push it". (What the fuck is 'pushing it' anyway? I'm not forcing her to sit on the seat, for God's sake, and all the books say it may take several days for them to actually go in the potty.) I can't seem to please anybody, including me or Katie or John. Doesn't matter whether I do it or not; I lose either way.

I've cleaned up 5 pee puddles yesterday and we went through 8 pair of training pants. She sits on the toilet for 10 minutes willingly but won't pee. She won't tell me when she has to pee though sometimes she'll tell me that she made a mess. She just peed on the couch and John is going to be furious. It's not her fault though I can't figure out why she just won't tell me she needs to pee - I mean how hard is it to associate the feeling with the icky feeling of the fluid running down her legs?? I don't want him to be mad at her and I don't want him to be made at me either, God. And I know he thinks I must be doing something wrong or she'd not be peeing all over the place. I was potty trained by 16 months and John was potty trained by 2.

She just won't pay attention to me either when I'm talking to her about telling me when she has to go pee. I've tried offering rewards (she gets to splash in the sink, which she adores, only if she's gone in the potty). She just doesn't get it. I'm sobbing and she's saying "Mama crying. Big hugs?" It's sweet but I'm crying because of her and utter frustration. She just doesn't get it, I guess.

God, I can't make this work; I just can't do it. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.




Blogger LauraJ said...

Not every child has the same readiness clock. I'd say pack it in and hold off a couple months and tell those who have an issue with it to **** off and have a good day. Your child, your parenting. Clearly you both aren't ready for it, dry your tears, buy some diapers and giggle together. It's really not that big of a deal. You're not a bad mama!!
(PS-Although Aaron is disabled I do have some experience with potty training nephews and nieces.)
Big hugs to you both!

12:00 PM  
Anonymous harriet said...

Ditto what lauraj said. Potty training was probably the most frustrating thing I've encountered thus far as a parent. AJ wasn't trained until he was three. We tried reward systems, bootcamp and, in a very, very desperate and ill-advised move, bringing a DVD player into the bathroom just to get him to sit still already. But you know what? I don't think any of it had an effect. The only thing that worked was that when he was 3, he knew he couldn't go to preschool in diapers. So do you know when he was potty trained? Yup. The first day of school. I sent him in big-boy pants and prayed. And although there were occasional accidents at home when he was playing and would forget to stop in time, mostly that was it. If I had to do it all over again, I would go a lot easier on him-- and on myself. *Hugs!*

12:29 PM  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

Dear PPG:
First and foremost, remember I aM God, not you. I will decide when she is ready, not you or John. Most of my chidren go when they wake up in the morning, about 10 am and then again before lunch. If you catch it: fine. If not, get pull ups and keep it moving...Thus sayeth the Lord!

3:21 PM  
Blogger Greta said...

bwhahahaha first i say don't push it....give it a little will happen sooner or later and if it is later so be it....

11:25 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

Feel free to call me - let me say that first.

Second... it doesn't matter when you were trained, or John - everyone really is on their own clock.

Third - maybe we are lazy about using pullups around here, but my entire neighborhood pretty well views the age of 3 as the typical potty-trained age. Not 2. I think the neighbor's kid was potty trained around 2 or shortly after, but he really enjoyed "aiming" in the toilet just like daddy.

So... if you already have a lot of training pants (those really thick underwears, right?) I say put them on her, and put a pull-up over it. This will help her feel when she is wet, but will keep you from having a mess to clean up. Leave the potty seat in the bathroom, show her how to use it, and have her sit on it when you go in to go to the bathroom.

It's likely that she just is so focused on whatever it is that she is doing that she doesn't think about having to pee until it is too late. Gayle did the same thing, she knew logically how to use the potty, and would use it for "messy" times (#2) but just didn't bother peeing in it until later. She'll get there, don't worry. Try putting the pull-ups over the training pants to reduce your messes, but let her see what it feels like to be messy.

And John shouldn't get pissed at the piss, the kid is only 2. YOU are NOT doing anything wrong.

1:13 AM  
Anonymous Jana said...

Well, I should start our by saying the only experience I have with potty training comes from the three years I worked at a day care, but that's better than nothing, right? ;-)

I have many friends who have gone through or are currently going through the joys of potty training and this is the story I always tell when they get frustrated. (NOTE: Story won't make John happy, but it might make you feel better.)

We had this little boy at the day care. Cute as could be. Sharp. Good kid. Would. NOT. Be. Trained. This went on and on and before we knew it he was FOUR YEARS OLD. FOUR. Mom was getting frustrated and so were we. Guess what? He wanted to play t-ball. The rules were that you couldn't be on the t-ball team unless you were potty trained. He got the hang of it in like three days. All he needed was the proper motivation.

So, every time someone talks to me about a kid who seemingly will NEVER be trained, I tell them that story.

And even without any kids of my own, I have to agree with everyone else here. If Katie obviously isn't getting it, she needs more time. One of my good friends has a 2 1/2 year old who still isn't with the program even though they've been trying very hard for several months now. She told me it was difficult to even know when to START trying to train Allie because even the so-called experts in the books disagree -- and often by a WIDE age range.

She WILL get it. And in the meantime, stop beating yourself up over it. She's fine. You're fine. And John? Well, he just needs to chill out for a bit. ;-)

12:18 AM  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

I am ordering a repositional arm Saviour just for this reason!

6:15 AM  

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