21 Day Challenge | Day 9 | Thanksgiving, Parts I - III

9. Thanksgiving, Part I

My grandmother died
on the Monday before Thanksgiving.

My grandfather died
on the Monday before Thanksgiving
three years later.

My second child died
two Mondays before Thanksgiving
seven years following.

I begin to wonder
for what I should be giving thanks,
I who am bounded on either side
by death.


Thanksgiving, Part II

Much has been given me,
and I am,
indeed,
very grateful.

I am grateful for my daughter,
all blond curls and flirtatiousness,
grateful for my husband,
arms and heart wrapped firmly around me,
grateful for my home, and family, and friends.

I am so angry though,
furious
even.

I am angry that I will be able to eat without nausea,
without stomach roiling in a progesterone-induced tumult,
angry that I will be able to fill my wineglass,
and my coffee cup,
angry that I will be drawn into conversations
that have nothing to do with my lost baby
but everything to do with living

Thanksgiving, Part III

May it be given me,
to be grateful for the
struggles
that I encounter.

May I be granted
the diligence and
faith
to see past the
despair
to the lesson,
whatever
it maybe.

May I surround my companions
with a sense of
love
and gratitude
and be given the
perseverance
to tread
onward
with a lightened step
and loving
heart.