Nov 12, 2006

Steal Away Home, I Ain't Got Long To Stay Here

Started bleeding yesterday, called the OB's office. On-call doctor tells me not to worry about it and just take it easy. (What a 'tude that guy had too.)

Cramping and bleeding more heavily today. Called my OB's office tonight. Fortunately, he himself was on-call and came down to meet me at the ER.

The baby ... the fetus. The fetus had not developed at all in the last week (should have doubled in size) and there was no fetal heartbeat.

I knew what that ultrasound was going to show. I knew from the time I started bleeding yesterday that the fetus was gone. In reality, I think I knew long before that but didn't really want to admit it. I stood in choir today singing "Steal Away" and I just knew in my heart that I was no longer pregnant.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go bawl my eyes out, take some pain meds, and go to bed and read awhile in a vain attempt to distract myself from the death of my would-be child.

Steal away
Steal away
Steal away to Jesus
Steal away
Steal away home
I ain't got long to stay here.

My Lord calls me
He calls me by the thunder
The trumpet sounds withina my soul
I ain't got long to stay here.

Steal away
Steal away
Steal away to Jesus
Steal away
Steal away home
I ain't got long to stay here.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this is hard. Been there and done that, twice. Cried... buckets the first time. Almost died bleeding the second time.

Not that this is your situation but still it dealt with the death of a baby. Take encouragement.

"After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

On the seventh day the child died. David's servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."

David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied, "he is dead."

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"

He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

The child cannot be returned to you but YOU will go to him or her. A little one waits for you, Mama.

Wish I were there. You could cry on me. It'd be okay. Love you.

11:51 PM  
Blogger LauraJ said...

(((((((((((((((((((((((PPG))))))))))))))))))))))))

10:51 AM  
Blogger Jade said...

Last night I was thinking of calling you to see how you were doing, that was before reading your last blog entry. What helped me the most when I was going through the same thing was listening to Owsley's song "Rise". I know you might be battling right now between wanting to be left alone and wanting to talk to someone... I'm here if you need to talk (and if I'm not at home, my cell number is on my voice mail greeting)

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Aurora said...

Sending you love and light this day.

Healing love and light...love and light to you and yours.

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

{HUGS}

(I'm new, but whenever you comment at length at LauraJ's, I learn from you. Thank you kindly.)

6:36 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I am here from Laura's.

Sending you love and prayers from a stranger and glad that you have faith to hold you through this. (((hugs)))

8:35 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Been there you never forget no matter how far along in your pregnancy you were but it will get easier
my love, prayers and thoughts go out to you
Big Hug

8:59 PM  
Blogger smileymamaT said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Here from Laura's to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I've been through this too, many years ago. You cry as much as you need to and lean real hard on your friends and family. You're in my prayers, and your little one is with all of ours in Paradise.

9:27 PM  
Blogger julia said...

Here from Laura's. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I had a miscarriage almost three years ago and it does get easier, although you never forget. It's hard to wrap up that dream and set it aside.

Wishing you peace and healing.

11:53 PM  
Blogger Brightdreamer said...

Very, very sorry to read of your loss... Having not been there, I don't think any further words from me would do much good, so I'll leave it at that. (Hope this doesn't post twice...)

1:30 AM  
Blogger graymama said...

I hope you received my e-mail. Here are some more {{{{hugs}}}}

10:56 AM  
Blogger FoxPhile said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear of this loss. I cannot imagine the pain you must be dealing with. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Coming over from Laura (THis is Me) blog and wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.

9:49 AM  
Blogger JerseyTjej said...

I am crying with you. Turn where your faith leads you and find comfort there...Much cyber love and hugs coming for you, the family and your loss.
Peace and comfort.
Regina

2:23 AM  
Blogger Chris (mombie) said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

3:35 PM  

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