Ok, I'm slow these days - blame it on "the baby ate my brain" syndrome! But after reading Greta's great Christmas rundown, I really have to.
The best thing I can say about Christmas is that it's over. I didn't used to feel that way but these days it seems like one unending round of duty and obligation - and, no, I don't mean the shopping. I enjoy the shopping... and the wrapping. It's the being social with people I don't particularly have anything in common with (i.e., John's family) that is absolutely drag out tiring and, really, when it comes down to it, being short on cash sucks.
But there were some good things...
The absolute highlight of my Christmas was singing the Lessons & Carols service with the choir at South Church in New Britain. The choir is quite good and very nice, the music was challenging, the director is awesome, and they made me feel really welcome and valued as a guest.
The next best thing was that my rolls came out wonderfully and I was able to co-opt John's niece who went to culinary school into making the gravy so I didn't have to. Yes, for some reason, making gravy scares the shit out of me. Probably because the first time I made it, it turned out more like chicken-flavored jello than gravy and my family has never let me live it down. And, yes, I do realize it's sad that the second best thing about Christmas was great rolls.
Beyond that, it was pretty typical. Christmas Eve, we hosted dinner here for 15 (John's family; was supposed to be 20 but one family came down with a nasty puke bug - ugh!). It went well. I meant to get a picture of the table but forgot in the rush to get stuff done. I made the cutest little place cards tied to miniature candy canes.
My home choir had the 10 a.m. Mass to sing on Christmas morning so we woke Katie up at 8 to check out her Santa loot. After spending 1.5 hours blowing this damn thing up the night before, she couldn't have cared less. Not only was my ass killing me from using the footpump, I was brokenhearted because I was sure she was going to love it. She did wind up liking some of her wrapped non-Santa presents that we opened after Church - including her favorite which was a box of toy pots and pans and dishes that were mine when I was a kid. Then we spent the afternoon with John's family at his sister's house. An absolute madhouse but Katie got some lovely (and non-annoying!!) stuff. And then I worked Christmas night.
So what did I get? I got a Starbucks card from a WONDERFUL fellow blogger - it was a huge surprise and Very, Very Appreciated. I got the aforementioned resin snowman lamp (by the way, it's no longer on offer - I was able to regift it to a woman who loved it thoroughly!) from my work draw. And from John's family draw, I got a donation to Habitat for Humanity and a $25 Nordstrom gift card. I was thinking shoes but then I realized (a) $25 isn't going to buy much in the way of shoes at Nordstrom and (b) Nordstrom has a MAC counter... Hee hee!
What was cool is that John's teenage niece (not the culinary school grad) absolutely *loved* the scarf I got her. It's pretty hard to impress a late teenager - all that insufferable ennui - but I did and I was very happy about that.
So, that's our Christmas in a nutshell - which seems appropriate coming from this nut. I hope you all had a wonderful day!
We are headed out to my brother's house in PA for this weekend and I will be without my laptop in a house of tremendously early risers so you probably won't be hearing from me for a while so Happy New Year!!
Dec 27, 2007
Dec 23, 2007
Of Christmas Lights, Grab Bags, and Loneliness
Topic 1:
First off, we are all ok. The house is ok. BUT it might not be so if a guy driving by didn't happen to look at our house from exactly the right spot at exactly the right time.
Our outdoor Christmas lights caught fire! We think that, with the bad weather, something got wet and there was a short in one of the light sets but who really knows. What we do know is this: the Christmas lights went out at some point, John was out blowing the driveway, a guy in a big van stopped, got out, and raced down the driveway to John. (I was watching from the house wondering "why are the Christmas lights out? I could've sworn I turned them on!".) Then they both come racing to the house. There is a small electrical fire right by the base of the door frame that flamed up just as the guy happened to look out as he happened to drive by. It melted the prongs of the plug off into the extension cord but, fortunately, we caught it and unplugged everything before the porch or the doorframe caught fire. There was a lot of soot but the wood all appears to be whole and unburnt.
So, even if I receive nothing else for Christmas, I am grateful that we are unscathed.
Topic 2:
If anyone out there wants a resin snow man lamp that I got in our office gift exchange, let me know. It's a snowman holding a banner that a cat is sleeping on. The light bulb comes out of a pole that starts at the base and curves around the snowman and straightens over his head. It takes a nightlight bulb and has a countryish lampshade. It's certainly cute but it doesn't fit my house in the slightest. (I tend toward Craftsman and Victorian eclectia rather than kitsch.) I'd love someone to have it that would have a place for it! (I'm too lazy to get up and take/upload/post a picture - sorry!)
Topic 3:
Have you ever noticed how lonely one can be even if one is surrounded by people? Everyone is home now but I'm feeling awfully lonely tonight. I think, in part, it's the post-performance letdown (I sang with a local church choir this afternoon for their Lessons & Carols service - it was nice to do some more challenging music including a fascinating, tonally shifting, 8+ part divisi Magnificat (Finzi - interestingly, the piece was commissioned for the Smith and Amherst College Choirs back in 1952 - small world kind of thing)). At any rate, we did go to the party afterward and I'm glad we went though we had to leave really early because we didn't have a sitter. I had a pretty good time which is more than I usually do at parties - they are a real effort for me: too many people. At any rate, somehow, now that we're home and Katie and John have gone to bed and I'm working (technically), I feel even more alone than normal. It was a great time - the rehearsals and the performance - and I got to be with grownups sans kid. As with the bad things, the good things also fall under the "this, too, shall pass" description.
I probably won't post again before Christmas so let me wish you all holiday filled with all good things and, most especially, peace on Earth and good will to all.
First off, we are all ok. The house is ok. BUT it might not be so if a guy driving by didn't happen to look at our house from exactly the right spot at exactly the right time.
Our outdoor Christmas lights caught fire! We think that, with the bad weather, something got wet and there was a short in one of the light sets but who really knows. What we do know is this: the Christmas lights went out at some point, John was out blowing the driveway, a guy in a big van stopped, got out, and raced down the driveway to John. (I was watching from the house wondering "why are the Christmas lights out? I could've sworn I turned them on!".) Then they both come racing to the house. There is a small electrical fire right by the base of the door frame that flamed up just as the guy happened to look out as he happened to drive by. It melted the prongs of the plug off into the extension cord but, fortunately, we caught it and unplugged everything before the porch or the doorframe caught fire. There was a lot of soot but the wood all appears to be whole and unburnt.
So, even if I receive nothing else for Christmas, I am grateful that we are unscathed.
Topic 2:
If anyone out there wants a resin snow man lamp that I got in our office gift exchange, let me know. It's a snowman holding a banner that a cat is sleeping on. The light bulb comes out of a pole that starts at the base and curves around the snowman and straightens over his head. It takes a nightlight bulb and has a countryish lampshade. It's certainly cute but it doesn't fit my house in the slightest. (I tend toward Craftsman and Victorian eclectia rather than kitsch.) I'd love someone to have it that would have a place for it! (I'm too lazy to get up and take/upload/post a picture - sorry!)
Topic 3:
Have you ever noticed how lonely one can be even if one is surrounded by people? Everyone is home now but I'm feeling awfully lonely tonight. I think, in part, it's the post-performance letdown (I sang with a local church choir this afternoon for their Lessons & Carols service - it was nice to do some more challenging music including a fascinating, tonally shifting, 8+ part divisi Magnificat (Finzi - interestingly, the piece was commissioned for the Smith and Amherst College Choirs back in 1952 - small world kind of thing)). At any rate, we did go to the party afterward and I'm glad we went though we had to leave really early because we didn't have a sitter. I had a pretty good time which is more than I usually do at parties - they are a real effort for me: too many people. At any rate, somehow, now that we're home and Katie and John have gone to bed and I'm working (technically), I feel even more alone than normal. It was a great time - the rehearsals and the performance - and I got to be with grownups sans kid. As with the bad things, the good things also fall under the "this, too, shall pass" description.
I probably won't post again before Christmas so let me wish you all holiday filled with all good things and, most especially, peace on Earth and good will to all.
Dec 16, 2007
Baby Update
We had our first Level II ultrasound on Thursday.
The baby looks healthy and "normal". Growth rates are right on target. She weighs about 9 oz now.
Yep, "she". Looks like we'll be adding another little girl our family. John's a little disappointed but not nearly like he was when Katie was in utero. He's realized that he can, indeed, have fun with a little girl too.
She's kicking me in the bladder right now - LOL. Glad I can finally feel her occasionally - reassures me to no end.
P.S. That wonderfully inappropriate Santa candleholder? (The one with the tree star stuck up his, er, boomba?) Katie knocked it off the table yesterday and it broke. Sigh. She also shattered my carved soapstone egg with the carved swan inside it. It was a destructive day.
The baby looks healthy and "normal". Growth rates are right on target. She weighs about 9 oz now.
Yep, "she". Looks like we'll be adding another little girl our family. John's a little disappointed but not nearly like he was when Katie was in utero. He's realized that he can, indeed, have fun with a little girl too.
She's kicking me in the bladder right now - LOL. Glad I can finally feel her occasionally - reassures me to no end.
P.S. That wonderfully inappropriate Santa candleholder? (The one with the tree star stuck up his, er, boomba?) Katie knocked it off the table yesterday and it broke. Sigh. She also shattered my carved soapstone egg with the carved swan inside it. It was a destructive day.
Dec 11, 2007
You Asked For It... Or, Rather, Someone Did...
I didn't realize how carried away I'd gotten taking pix of the holiday decorations until I put them up at Photobucket. Logically, this means I should trim down the number I post here, right? Since when was I ever logical? If you didn't catch my prior post on Midtown Plaza, please make sure to read that one too! Ok, lots and lots of pictures, coming up.
First, the party specific pix:
These tables did, actually, wind up being much fuller by an hour into the party when I was finally really ready for company!
Ok, then here's what those same areas look like without the party food:
Ok, then I started feeling bad for the parts of the house that weren't party specific. (Remember, hormonal pregnant woman here...)
The front hall:
The living room:
(those were the appropriate Santas)
(these are the inappropriate ones below)
The tree, hidden by the child/cat proofing cat:
And finally:
First, the party specific pix:
These tables did, actually, wind up being much fuller by an hour into the party when I was finally really ready for company!
Ok, then here's what those same areas look like without the party food:
Ok, then I started feeling bad for the parts of the house that weren't party specific. (Remember, hormonal pregnant woman here...)
The front hall:
The living room:
(those were the appropriate Santas)
(these are the inappropriate ones below)
The tree, hidden by the child/cat proofing cat:
And finally:
Dec 9, 2007
They Paved Paradise to Put Up a Parking Lot
Of course, a mall isn't exactly paradise, I suppose, and a corporate headquarters isn't exactly a parking lot either, for that matter.
But what "paradise" is, of course, depends on the person defining it. To a kid from East Nowhere in Upstate, NY, paradise was Midtown Plaza in Rochester.
Midtown was the nation's first enclosed shopping mall and was completed in 1962. It had a couple of office buildings and department stores attached and/or linked by skyway. My dad worked for Lincoln Rochester Trust/Lincoln Alliance/Lincoln First Bank/Chase Lincoln First in the Plaza and related office buildings for 29 years, I worked a couple of college summers as a bank teller in the Midtown branch and a summer in the leasing department in the Seneca building, my mom and my sister also worked for the Bank in the attached buildings. In fact, in this video (Midtown Plaza in 1963), you can actually see my dad. In the scene where there are people looking through little windows at the construction, he's the third man from the left (the big guy with no hat).
But, when I was little, Midtown wasn't a place to work. Oh sure, people worked there - my dad did, of course - but, no, for a five year old, it was a fantastical kingdom, a place where Santa was real and lived on a glistening mountain that a monorail went through. After gingerly visiting Santa, we'd cross the skywalk to Sibley's department store and walk through their holiday dioramas to a little shopping area they'd set up just for kids.
From the glittering palace that was B. Forman (another department store) to the high-ceilinged dining room at Sibley's with its two-story, drapery clad windows where they served your milkshake still in the metal mixing cup so that you could have seconds, from McCurdy's (also a department store) with it's wonderfully helpful staff, a "lunchroom" that was nicer than most restaurants today, and a bakery filled with innumerable treats, even the long shiny escalators that went from the underground parking garage and the clock - that magical clock that featured hourly music and dancing marionettes from countries around the world - it was a place of unparalleled elegance to a kid from a cowtown that never saw much more than pastures and orchards.
Now, it's 85% vacant and scheduled to be demolished next year to make way for the corporate headquarters of a telecom company. I understand, oh I do understand, but it makes me so sorrowful to lose a place that was symbolic to me of all that was to be yearned for as a child.
You see, homesick isn't about geography; homesick is about a state of mind, a state of being and, try as we might, we truly cannot go home again and recapture what was in the same way we experienced it the first time. I know this. But I did so hope to bring my daughter there one day and see her delight in the monorail that run a circuit around the center court and through Magic Mountain where Santa sat in stately array waiting for good little boys and girls to present their fervent pleas for their heart's delight.
But what "paradise" is, of course, depends on the person defining it. To a kid from East Nowhere in Upstate, NY, paradise was Midtown Plaza in Rochester.
Midtown was the nation's first enclosed shopping mall and was completed in 1962. It had a couple of office buildings and department stores attached and/or linked by skyway. My dad worked for Lincoln Rochester Trust/Lincoln Alliance/Lincoln First Bank/Chase Lincoln First in the Plaza and related office buildings for 29 years, I worked a couple of college summers as a bank teller in the Midtown branch and a summer in the leasing department in the Seneca building, my mom and my sister also worked for the Bank in the attached buildings. In fact, in this video (Midtown Plaza in 1963), you can actually see my dad. In the scene where there are people looking through little windows at the construction, he's the third man from the left (the big guy with no hat).
But, when I was little, Midtown wasn't a place to work. Oh sure, people worked there - my dad did, of course - but, no, for a five year old, it was a fantastical kingdom, a place where Santa was real and lived on a glistening mountain that a monorail went through. After gingerly visiting Santa, we'd cross the skywalk to Sibley's department store and walk through their holiday dioramas to a little shopping area they'd set up just for kids.
From the glittering palace that was B. Forman (another department store) to the high-ceilinged dining room at Sibley's with its two-story, drapery clad windows where they served your milkshake still in the metal mixing cup so that you could have seconds, from McCurdy's (also a department store) with it's wonderfully helpful staff, a "lunchroom" that was nicer than most restaurants today, and a bakery filled with innumerable treats, even the long shiny escalators that went from the underground parking garage and the clock - that magical clock that featured hourly music and dancing marionettes from countries around the world - it was a place of unparalleled elegance to a kid from a cowtown that never saw much more than pastures and orchards.
Now, it's 85% vacant and scheduled to be demolished next year to make way for the corporate headquarters of a telecom company. I understand, oh I do understand, but it makes me so sorrowful to lose a place that was symbolic to me of all that was to be yearned for as a child.
You see, homesick isn't about geography; homesick is about a state of mind, a state of being and, try as we might, we truly cannot go home again and recapture what was in the same way we experienced it the first time. I know this. But I did so hope to bring my daughter there one day and see her delight in the monorail that run a circuit around the center court and through Magic Mountain where Santa sat in stately array waiting for good little boys and girls to present their fervent pleas for their heart's delight.
Dec 6, 2007
Dec 3, 2007
I'm Proud of You
"I'm proud of you."
"Pride goeth before a fall."
"It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose someone you love with your useless pride." (unk.)
"And nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope." (Robert Frost)
"Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us." (Jane Austen)
What is it about pride? We strive for it; we disdain it. We both commend and condemn it in others. But, really, what is it? Is it the self esteem we crave or, as Jane Austen suggests above, the esteem of others?
I have been thinking on pride today in a roundabout way today - about how much reward there is in hearing someone else say "I'm proud of you." I do not ever recall my parents saying that to me - I'm sure they must have at some point but my mother, in particular, was (and is) one to whom there is no superlative, no high compliment appropriate for her children as there is always room for improvement and, after all, they might get too proud of themselves.
Is it, therefore, pride in ourselves that is so abominable, pride in our achievements? Or is it the craving of the approval of others? The satisfaction of having someone else be proud of you? I am beginning to think that, like most things, there should be a middle-of-the-road word that covers the appropriate amount of "pride" - enough so that it is healthy but not so much as to be obnoxious.
It is unfortunate, I think, that many of the women I know do not take pride in their achievements. They downplay what they have accomplished if, indeed, they take note of it at all. I find this reflection brings me much sorrow for I know many, many women with many, many accomplishments to be proud of. For some, it may be a grand achievement of publishing a book or building a self-sustaining business; for others, simply making it from one end of the day to the other given all the burdens they must shoulder; for still others, fighting a constant battle against seemingly neverending forces to work toward their best and highest good.
I think that one of the most heartwarming things to hear from someone is not necessarily "I love you" but "I'm proud of you." "I love you" carries so many burdens and uncertainties with it but a heartfelt "I'm proud of you" brings nothing more than a real sense of accomplishment and gratification that someone else noticed your perseverance, your struggle.
I want each of you to know that, for so many reasons, I am proud of you and my wish for you this holiday season is that you experience genuine pride in your accomplishments and continued struggle against strife. You have each come through so much. Be proud of yourselves. You deserve it.
As Mr. Rogers sang, "I hope that you are proud of you too."
"Pride goeth before a fall."
"It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose someone you love with your useless pride." (unk.)
"And nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope." (Robert Frost)
"Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us." (Jane Austen)
What is it about pride? We strive for it; we disdain it. We both commend and condemn it in others. But, really, what is it? Is it the self esteem we crave or, as Jane Austen suggests above, the esteem of others?
I have been thinking on pride today in a roundabout way today - about how much reward there is in hearing someone else say "I'm proud of you." I do not ever recall my parents saying that to me - I'm sure they must have at some point but my mother, in particular, was (and is) one to whom there is no superlative, no high compliment appropriate for her children as there is always room for improvement and, after all, they might get too proud of themselves.
Is it, therefore, pride in ourselves that is so abominable, pride in our achievements? Or is it the craving of the approval of others? The satisfaction of having someone else be proud of you? I am beginning to think that, like most things, there should be a middle-of-the-road word that covers the appropriate amount of "pride" - enough so that it is healthy but not so much as to be obnoxious.
It is unfortunate, I think, that many of the women I know do not take pride in their achievements. They downplay what they have accomplished if, indeed, they take note of it at all. I find this reflection brings me much sorrow for I know many, many women with many, many accomplishments to be proud of. For some, it may be a grand achievement of publishing a book or building a self-sustaining business; for others, simply making it from one end of the day to the other given all the burdens they must shoulder; for still others, fighting a constant battle against seemingly neverending forces to work toward their best and highest good.
I think that one of the most heartwarming things to hear from someone is not necessarily "I love you" but "I'm proud of you." "I love you" carries so many burdens and uncertainties with it but a heartfelt "I'm proud of you" brings nothing more than a real sense of accomplishment and gratification that someone else noticed your perseverance, your struggle.
I want each of you to know that, for so many reasons, I am proud of you and my wish for you this holiday season is that you experience genuine pride in your accomplishments and continued struggle against strife. You have each come through so much. Be proud of yourselves. You deserve it.
As Mr. Rogers sang, "I hope that you are proud of you too."
Nov 16, 2007
I've Been Eating Rice Again.
Jade's blog entry today got me thinking. First, whoever wrote the Nerd Handbook is dead on right and could've been living in my head. Secondly, how helpful it would have been if my parents had been able to understand this stuff.
From that second point, I made one of those leaps to greater self-understanding that only occurs once in a while. John and I were talking about my parents and how they always go to bed at the same time. John asked whether it had always been that way. As I was thinking back, a random memory came a'calling that really made me understand something about myself.
When I was in grad school, I often worked late in the photo labs because I'm most creative at night. I'd come home (I lived at home during grad school - NOT recommended to anyone) and, because I hadn't had supper, made myself a big bowl of rice because I was too lazy/tired/indifferent to make an actual meal and wanted something hot because, well, it was Upstate NY in the winter. I sat down at the TV in the backroom with my big bowl of rice to watch the 11 pm rerun of Scarecrow & Mrs. King on Lifetime. Apparently, my mother got up to go to the bathroom and heard me. She came in and you'd've thought I'd stolen the last can of beans from the soup shelter... no, more like the last can of beans out of the hands of someone who hadn't eaten in a week. She raised such a ruckus, she woke my father. He said something understandable, like "what is going on here?!" and she replies, "She's eating a big bowl of rice!!!" as if she'd been saying "she's murdering the neighbors!" or "she's fucking the dog!" For God's sake, it was a bowl of fucking rice; it wasn't like I'd suddenly decided to cook the sirloin from the freezer of something.
At any rate, in recalling this, I suddenly realized why I am so cynical. I figured it was just a Gen X thing and, to an extent, of course, it is but this was really groundbreaking for me. Of course you're going to be cynical if, no matter what you do, even the most innocent thing could get you in trouble because the rules keep shifting. John compared it to living under a miniature communist totalitarianism - the point is not what the rules are but that the authority owns you.
I wish for you all a big bowl of uncontested rice this evening.
From that second point, I made one of those leaps to greater self-understanding that only occurs once in a while. John and I were talking about my parents and how they always go to bed at the same time. John asked whether it had always been that way. As I was thinking back, a random memory came a'calling that really made me understand something about myself.
When I was in grad school, I often worked late in the photo labs because I'm most creative at night. I'd come home (I lived at home during grad school - NOT recommended to anyone) and, because I hadn't had supper, made myself a big bowl of rice because I was too lazy/tired/indifferent to make an actual meal and wanted something hot because, well, it was Upstate NY in the winter. I sat down at the TV in the backroom with my big bowl of rice to watch the 11 pm rerun of Scarecrow & Mrs. King on Lifetime. Apparently, my mother got up to go to the bathroom and heard me. She came in and you'd've thought I'd stolen the last can of beans from the soup shelter... no, more like the last can of beans out of the hands of someone who hadn't eaten in a week. She raised such a ruckus, she woke my father. He said something understandable, like "what is going on here?!" and she replies, "She's eating a big bowl of rice!!!" as if she'd been saying "she's murdering the neighbors!" or "she's fucking the dog!" For God's sake, it was a bowl of fucking rice; it wasn't like I'd suddenly decided to cook the sirloin from the freezer of something.
At any rate, in recalling this, I suddenly realized why I am so cynical. I figured it was just a Gen X thing and, to an extent, of course, it is but this was really groundbreaking for me. Of course you're going to be cynical if, no matter what you do, even the most innocent thing could get you in trouble because the rules keep shifting. John compared it to living under a miniature communist totalitarianism - the point is not what the rules are but that the authority owns you.
I wish for you all a big bowl of uncontested rice this evening.
Nov 14, 2007
Balancing on Someone Else's Back
Well, it's for certain that John's firm didn't get a piece of the town attorney work. The partners are bracing for the downturn of work.
As anyone involved in real estate in New England (and, indeed, the entire northeastern US) knows, real estate has been very slow and they've basically been carrying the real estate paralegal position since June or July hoping they'd get the town attorney thing would work out. They're going to lay their real estate paralegal off. They're going to tell her this Friday, her last day will be next Wednesday and they'll pay her for all of next week. They're also planning to send her with a glowing letter of recommendation and are making calls to the local title insurance company execs to see if they have any work to offer her. She'll also be getting her Christmas bonus. John knows it needs to be done; they've been overstaffed for quite a while. But even though he brought it up to his partner (who was a bit relieved as he thought so too but was having a hard time addressing it), it's really bothering him. She's an excellent employee - the best real estate paralegal he's ever had - reliable, smart, relatively unflappable. This is the really hard part of having all excellent employees; how do you choose who goes?
It bothers me too. They've made the right decision for business, I know; the 2 other secretaries have specialities that are busy and real estate is dead. They are clearly overstaffed for the work they've got. It just sucks because I know her husband's a drunken sot who can't be bothered to find steady work. She has a school-age daughter. What gives us the right to make sure our mortgage is paid at her expense? Just because I logically know this is the right decision and that, as business owners, they have to look to keeping the company afloat, doesn't mean that my conscience is easily assuaged.
I was able to cancel the B&B weekend - helps to be friends with the owner - and get a full refund. We may go over the winter or in early spring if money permits. We have a gift certificate that we won a while back for a free night's stay (Sun - Thurs) and a steakhouse dinner at the local casino (http://www.foxwoods.com/). We'll probably try to use that mid-January for a minibreak. Doesn't really do it for me (not fond of casinos) but I think we need the escape even if it's just overnight.
I will be installing a clothesline as soon as I make it Home Depot to get one. I also am switching the lightbulbs over to the compact fluorescent. For what my folks' electric bill has gone down, I think it's probably worth the upfront money for the OMG-expensive bulbs. It's also good for the environment, which is nice.
I cut my 401k contribution from 15% of my paycheck to 7.5%. I don't want to cut that out altogether because it's our only active saving for retirement right now but this will give us a little extra cash in the month.
Voice lessons are done for the time being. My voice teacher was great about it and I will still be singing with her choir in December.
We've decided to go forward with our Christmas party anyway. This year, though, when people ask if they can bring things, we're going to say 'yes' (where, in the past, we've usually just said, "just bring yourselves!"). We figured we needed the cheer.
My boss ok'd the extra 5 hours a week and she's working out what I can do now.
Still working on cutting the grocery budget but we've refrained from eating out so far. I want my Starbucks decaf nonfat extra-peppermint mochas but you do what you've got to.
We have decided to keep our dinner date with friends this weekend even though it requires a babysitter - they're buying dinner as congratulations that we're pregnant. (At least it's one of the $5/hr babysitters, not one of the $10/hr ones.) The only kicker with that is that I am *certain* the guy, at least, voted for the republicans and he's not shy about talking about politics. I am hoping that I will not have to deal with his political rhetoric - instant agita not to mention a fair amount of personal angst.
Thank you very much, everyone, for all your support; it means a lot to me. Well, I have an OB appointment in a half hour so I'd best get a move on. Out of the first trimester now. Less nausea, less tired, not feeling the baby yet (probably at least another month at my size).
If you guys could keep the real estate paralegal and her family in your prayers, I would appreciate it.
As anyone involved in real estate in New England (and, indeed, the entire northeastern US) knows, real estate has been very slow and they've basically been carrying the real estate paralegal position since June or July hoping they'd get the town attorney thing would work out. They're going to lay their real estate paralegal off. They're going to tell her this Friday, her last day will be next Wednesday and they'll pay her for all of next week. They're also planning to send her with a glowing letter of recommendation and are making calls to the local title insurance company execs to see if they have any work to offer her. She'll also be getting her Christmas bonus. John knows it needs to be done; they've been overstaffed for quite a while. But even though he brought it up to his partner (who was a bit relieved as he thought so too but was having a hard time addressing it), it's really bothering him. She's an excellent employee - the best real estate paralegal he's ever had - reliable, smart, relatively unflappable. This is the really hard part of having all excellent employees; how do you choose who goes?
It bothers me too. They've made the right decision for business, I know; the 2 other secretaries have specialities that are busy and real estate is dead. They are clearly overstaffed for the work they've got. It just sucks because I know her husband's a drunken sot who can't be bothered to find steady work. She has a school-age daughter. What gives us the right to make sure our mortgage is paid at her expense? Just because I logically know this is the right decision and that, as business owners, they have to look to keeping the company afloat, doesn't mean that my conscience is easily assuaged.
I was able to cancel the B&B weekend - helps to be friends with the owner - and get a full refund. We may go over the winter or in early spring if money permits. We have a gift certificate that we won a while back for a free night's stay (Sun - Thurs) and a steakhouse dinner at the local casino (http://www.foxwoods.com/). We'll probably try to use that mid-January for a minibreak. Doesn't really do it for me (not fond of casinos) but I think we need the escape even if it's just overnight.
I will be installing a clothesline as soon as I make it Home Depot to get one. I also am switching the lightbulbs over to the compact fluorescent. For what my folks' electric bill has gone down, I think it's probably worth the upfront money for the OMG-expensive bulbs. It's also good for the environment, which is nice.
I cut my 401k contribution from 15% of my paycheck to 7.5%. I don't want to cut that out altogether because it's our only active saving for retirement right now but this will give us a little extra cash in the month.
Voice lessons are done for the time being. My voice teacher was great about it and I will still be singing with her choir in December.
We've decided to go forward with our Christmas party anyway. This year, though, when people ask if they can bring things, we're going to say 'yes' (where, in the past, we've usually just said, "just bring yourselves!"). We figured we needed the cheer.
My boss ok'd the extra 5 hours a week and she's working out what I can do now.
Still working on cutting the grocery budget but we've refrained from eating out so far. I want my Starbucks decaf nonfat extra-peppermint mochas but you do what you've got to.
We have decided to keep our dinner date with friends this weekend even though it requires a babysitter - they're buying dinner as congratulations that we're pregnant. (At least it's one of the $5/hr babysitters, not one of the $10/hr ones.) The only kicker with that is that I am *certain* the guy, at least, voted for the republicans and he's not shy about talking about politics. I am hoping that I will not have to deal with his political rhetoric - instant agita not to mention a fair amount of personal angst.
Thank you very much, everyone, for all your support; it means a lot to me. Well, I have an OB appointment in a half hour so I'd best get a move on. Out of the first trimester now. Less nausea, less tired, not feeling the baby yet (probably at least another month at my size).
If you guys could keep the real estate paralegal and her family in your prayers, I would appreciate it.
Nov 7, 2007
A Not So Brave New World
Well, we had an historic election here in Newington yesterday. The state requires a minimum number of seats go to the minority party. And for the first time since probably 1968, democrats have only the guaranteed number of minimum seats. The republicans swept the town. This has ramifications that go in all directions but let me talk a little bit about what led up to this from a political standpoint.
Two years ago, a former mayor ran against John (and creamed him) saying that under his watch taxes wouldn't be raised. Well, they were raised 6%. So much for campaign promises, huh? Well, this time, the republicans (for once) ran a campaign focused on a single issue - a 3% tax cap. Every thing they did focused on that tax cap. It was, clearly, effective. And, unlike the former mayor, they have the majority now and can pull it off. Unfortunately, the expenses in town, given oil and gas and so forth, are likely to go up more than 3% in a year. And, like most republicans, education is the lowest of the priorities. History has shown that good schools raise property values significantly and bad schools have the opposite effect. I can't believe the people in this town are that stupid. Actually, after last time, I should believe it.
Ok, so on to the personal ramifications.
1) We are considering moving away. Neither of us wants to bring our children up in a town that does not value education and where voters are so damn stupid. Any savings from a tax cap would not be enough to pay private school tuition anyway. I am not sure where we would go. It would have to be some place where the housing isn't godawful expensive (see point 2 below for more detail) and where education was important. I don't want to make a decision in haste but neither can we afford to wait until house values fall further.
2) The second ramification personally is that our income, which was already tight since John started his own firm, will be cut by about 30%. A little background here: after John lost the last mayoral election, he was surprised to learn that the guy that won had selected the "of counsel" attorney in John's firm as the town attorney (mayor selects the town attorney). The of counsel guy (a) doesn't go to court and (b) can't handle the volume so he paid John and his partner a monthly fee to go to court and handle the overages. Now, this would have ended no matter how the election went because the current mayor was not running again BUT John was in line to become the town attorney if the democratic candidate won. But, of course, she didn't. Thus, the decrease in income.
Ok, enough background... so I'm really glad John wasn't around when I found out the results. I ranted and railed and sobbed and yelled at God. November sucks in general (3 family deaths in November) and the last three Novembers have been awful. 2 years ago, John lost his mayoral election, last year, we lost our baby, and now this? I am, quite literally, just not sure how much more I can take without falling off an edge somewhere. I can't figure out why this shit keeps happening to us. We give back, we volunteer, we try to raise good and respectful children, we try to be good people. And still we keep getting whaled on.
I've started my "how to cut down" list.
I am well and truly frightened, both financially and for John.
Two years ago, a former mayor ran against John (and creamed him) saying that under his watch taxes wouldn't be raised. Well, they were raised 6%. So much for campaign promises, huh? Well, this time, the republicans (for once) ran a campaign focused on a single issue - a 3% tax cap. Every thing they did focused on that tax cap. It was, clearly, effective. And, unlike the former mayor, they have the majority now and can pull it off. Unfortunately, the expenses in town, given oil and gas and so forth, are likely to go up more than 3% in a year. And, like most republicans, education is the lowest of the priorities. History has shown that good schools raise property values significantly and bad schools have the opposite effect. I can't believe the people in this town are that stupid. Actually, after last time, I should believe it.
Ok, so on to the personal ramifications.
1) We are considering moving away. Neither of us wants to bring our children up in a town that does not value education and where voters are so damn stupid. Any savings from a tax cap would not be enough to pay private school tuition anyway. I am not sure where we would go. It would have to be some place where the housing isn't godawful expensive (see point 2 below for more detail) and where education was important. I don't want to make a decision in haste but neither can we afford to wait until house values fall further.
2) The second ramification personally is that our income, which was already tight since John started his own firm, will be cut by about 30%. A little background here: after John lost the last mayoral election, he was surprised to learn that the guy that won had selected the "of counsel" attorney in John's firm as the town attorney (mayor selects the town attorney). The of counsel guy (a) doesn't go to court and (b) can't handle the volume so he paid John and his partner a monthly fee to go to court and handle the overages. Now, this would have ended no matter how the election went because the current mayor was not running again BUT John was in line to become the town attorney if the democratic candidate won. But, of course, she didn't. Thus, the decrease in income.
Ok, enough background... so I'm really glad John wasn't around when I found out the results. I ranted and railed and sobbed and yelled at God. November sucks in general (3 family deaths in November) and the last three Novembers have been awful. 2 years ago, John lost his mayoral election, last year, we lost our baby, and now this? I am, quite literally, just not sure how much more I can take without falling off an edge somewhere. I can't figure out why this shit keeps happening to us. We give back, we volunteer, we try to raise good and respectful children, we try to be good people. And still we keep getting whaled on.
I've started my "how to cut down" list.
- Cancelled the Netflix account. We're already down to the $10/mo/so-you-don't-pick-up-anything-but-Fox-without-cable cable and since John gets few pleasures, I'd really like to leave him that if I can.
- I'm going to stop my voice lessons - $40 every other week.
- And, obviously, we won't be going down to eat; I figure that's another $200/mo.
- I need to find a way to get John to eat his lunch at home instead of going to the salad bar at the grocery. Yes, it's only $5 day but x5 days in the week and x4 weeks in a month, that's another $100/mo. (see below on the trickiness of that though).
- I have to cancel our New Year's weekend B&B reservation - excuse me, I have to deal with whining toddler; ok, back. - this morning; hopefully, I still can.
- I am moving the heat from 65 to 62 in the main part of the house (we keep it at 60 upstairs and in the addition) - that's more a long term thing since we're on a budget plan.
- We're already really pretty good about not leaving lights on in unoccupied rooms, etc. and making sure washes, etc. only get run if full. Ooh, I can get a clothesline - of course, it won't be warm enough to use it much longer but, hey, I'll save what I can.
I am well and truly frightened, both financially and for John.
Nov 3, 2007
Two Must-Dos Down
One to go - the ad book.
Today, I finished that bracelet *and* the transcription/arrangement of Quem Pastores (and got it sent off to the choir director at that!). Oh, and I got the Christmas draw slips prepped and mailed out *and* I finished all but one item on my Christmas shopping list - go me!
But I also lost my temper at my daughter, which upsets me no end - I always feel like such an awful mother when that happens. Why did I lose my temper? Sometimes two years old is VERY Two. And VERY Two is VERY trying. I know I expect too much and, really, regularly, I try very hard to control that. It's just that after being alone with her all week and then tacking Saturday on as well, I have thoroughly had my fill of a child who won't listen and blithely does whatever the hell she wants to instead of what I'm asking her to do.
God bless all the patient and loving childcare workers out there. They're saints. I ain't.
And, on the whole, it was a trying day. John was gone most all day knocking doors for the mayoral candidate, leaving me with Disobedient Girl, and then decided that a cold, windy, gray, and rainy day was a good day to open the windows and wash them. Lest you think that I asked him to wash the windows, I did not. Frankly, they weren't that bad in my book. But, no, he decided to make the house just as cold and damp as outside.
Now, he was gone a lot this week too - a couple of campaign meetings, late nights at work - and when he asked what I wanted to do tonight, I said, let's just get "grown up" food takeout and watch a movie - we haven't spent hardly any time together this week. He agreed, made a fuss about me picking which restaurant, and said he'd pick up the takeout at 8 if I'd do Katie's bath-n-bed.
So, it's 8 o'clock. He's still washing windows. I'm doing the bath-n-bed routine with Katie. It's 8:30, he's made no move to even call in the take out. I put Katie to bed. He decides to take a shower. It's 8:45, I make myself mac'n'cheese. He's still in the shower. I'm still freezing my ass off because the house is ice cold. It's 8:55, I've eaten my mac'n'cheese and washed the dishes. He's still in the shower. It's 9:05, he comes drifting down. "Are you sure you don't want take out? Do you want take out dessert?"
No, asshole, I wanted takeout when I came down from putting Katie to bed. Thus, the 8 p.m. time for you to leave. I don't want it now - it'd be at least 9:40 before you got back with it. What the fuck makes you think I want to eat dinner at fucking 9:40 at night??!! And, as for spending time together, it clearly wasn't a priority to you. Please go somewhere else. Now.
He says he'll watch Katie all day tomorrow. I'll believe it when I fucking see it. What that means, really, is that he'll wash more windows while she plays and won't notice when she toddles off to "where's Mama??" (read: make me fucking nuts again).
Men are just fucking unreliable.
Today, I finished that bracelet *and* the transcription/arrangement of Quem Pastores (and got it sent off to the choir director at that!). Oh, and I got the Christmas draw slips prepped and mailed out *and* I finished all but one item on my Christmas shopping list - go me!
But I also lost my temper at my daughter, which upsets me no end - I always feel like such an awful mother when that happens. Why did I lose my temper? Sometimes two years old is VERY Two. And VERY Two is VERY trying. I know I expect too much and, really, regularly, I try very hard to control that. It's just that after being alone with her all week and then tacking Saturday on as well, I have thoroughly had my fill of a child who won't listen and blithely does whatever the hell she wants to instead of what I'm asking her to do.
God bless all the patient and loving childcare workers out there. They're saints. I ain't.
And, on the whole, it was a trying day. John was gone most all day knocking doors for the mayoral candidate, leaving me with Disobedient Girl, and then decided that a cold, windy, gray, and rainy day was a good day to open the windows and wash them. Lest you think that I asked him to wash the windows, I did not. Frankly, they weren't that bad in my book. But, no, he decided to make the house just as cold and damp as outside.
Now, he was gone a lot this week too - a couple of campaign meetings, late nights at work - and when he asked what I wanted to do tonight, I said, let's just get "grown up" food takeout and watch a movie - we haven't spent hardly any time together this week. He agreed, made a fuss about me picking which restaurant, and said he'd pick up the takeout at 8 if I'd do Katie's bath-n-bed.
So, it's 8 o'clock. He's still washing windows. I'm doing the bath-n-bed routine with Katie. It's 8:30, he's made no move to even call in the take out. I put Katie to bed. He decides to take a shower. It's 8:45, I make myself mac'n'cheese. He's still in the shower. I'm still freezing my ass off because the house is ice cold. It's 8:55, I've eaten my mac'n'cheese and washed the dishes. He's still in the shower. It's 9:05, he comes drifting down. "Are you sure you don't want take out? Do you want take out dessert?"
No, asshole, I wanted takeout when I came down from putting Katie to bed. Thus, the 8 p.m. time for you to leave. I don't want it now - it'd be at least 9:40 before you got back with it. What the fuck makes you think I want to eat dinner at fucking 9:40 at night??!! And, as for spending time together, it clearly wasn't a priority to you. Please go somewhere else. Now.
He says he'll watch Katie all day tomorrow. I'll believe it when I fucking see it. What that means, really, is that he'll wash more windows while she plays and won't notice when she toddles off to "where's Mama??" (read: make me fucking nuts again).
Men are just fucking unreliable.
Nov 1, 2007
Too Damn Many Projects to Count
And, yep, that's my excuse for not having posted in forever.
Before I forget, JerseyTjej, you are off the hook with respect to my Pelikan as I found it over last weekend - whoohooo!!!! And, nope, I'm still not mailing it off to you to borrow.
Ok, back to the too damn many projects. I need to learn to tell myself, and others, no. There's so much I want to do (and we're not talking food here for once) and I just can't face the fact that I don't have enough time to do everything that (a) needs to get done, (b) I'm obliged (now) to get done, and (c) fun stuff I want to do.
This weekend, I need to: design an entire ad book for a dinner next weekend. The file is due to the chamber office on Monday. Yes, this is pro bono work. Dumb ass me.
I also need to: finish the bangle I'm working on for class - because it's going to be my auction donation for said dinner. Again, pro bono but at least this is multi-purpose and may have marketing benefits.
Oh yes, I also need to finish transcribing Quem Pastores - all I have yet to transcribe is the flute part BUT Finale is fighting me and I will then need to re-enter the whole thing from scratch to add the organ and flute parts because I didn't start with enough staves and, for some reason, the damn program keeps putting in returns for no apparent reason. I may go back to Noteworthy Composer for the final. We'll see. The choir director has Finale though and if she wants to tweak it, it would be easier to have it in that.
Oh, and prepare and mail the draw slips for the Christmas gift draw on John's side of the family.
And then there's the usual: update the website, clean the house, watch the kid, go to the library sale, clean my office, crazy talk all. I'll be lucky if I get the must-dos done.
On a completely different note but it could also be considered a project...
We had another ultrasound today. Little Person was wiggling all around - appears to have the requisite appendages (arms, legs, head) - and had a nice steady heartbeat. I am so lucky, my OB is absolutely wonderful. He asked that I come back in a month. I looked pitiful. He said, "You made it 3 weeks this time!" I said, "Yes, but it was a REEEEEEEALLY long 3 weeks." He said, "Want to come back in 2?" Man, I just can't say enough about the guy. If you're in Central CT and looking for a great OB, email me.
A good friend told me she was surprised I wasn't blogging more about being pregnant. I truly think it's because I'm afraid I'll jinx something. That if I believe it's true, that we're really going to be bringing home another live baby, that Katie will finally have a sibling, it will turn out to be my imagination. Opening myself to think about it, or hope, or believe, also opens me to a great deal of potential pain. I think not talking about it is a way for me to shield myself from the pain. I think I am finally starting to believe that this one is for real. Because Little Person was very clearly that - a little, and very wriggly, person. Somehow, seeing that makes it very real. We're going to have a baby. Wow.
Please keep us in your prayers that Little Person makes it all the way.
Before I forget, JerseyTjej, you are off the hook with respect to my Pelikan as I found it over last weekend - whoohooo!!!! And, nope, I'm still not mailing it off to you to borrow.
Ok, back to the too damn many projects. I need to learn to tell myself, and others, no. There's so much I want to do (and we're not talking food here for once) and I just can't face the fact that I don't have enough time to do everything that (a) needs to get done, (b) I'm obliged (now) to get done, and (c) fun stuff I want to do.
This weekend, I need to: design an entire ad book for a dinner next weekend. The file is due to the chamber office on Monday. Yes, this is pro bono work. Dumb ass me.
I also need to: finish the bangle I'm working on for class - because it's going to be my auction donation for said dinner. Again, pro bono but at least this is multi-purpose and may have marketing benefits.
Oh yes, I also need to finish transcribing Quem Pastores - all I have yet to transcribe is the flute part BUT Finale is fighting me and I will then need to re-enter the whole thing from scratch to add the organ and flute parts because I didn't start with enough staves and, for some reason, the damn program keeps putting in returns for no apparent reason. I may go back to Noteworthy Composer for the final. We'll see. The choir director has Finale though and if she wants to tweak it, it would be easier to have it in that.
Oh, and prepare and mail the draw slips for the Christmas gift draw on John's side of the family.
And then there's the usual: update the website, clean the house, watch the kid, go to the library sale, clean my office, crazy talk all. I'll be lucky if I get the must-dos done.
On a completely different note but it could also be considered a project...
We had another ultrasound today. Little Person was wiggling all around - appears to have the requisite appendages (arms, legs, head) - and had a nice steady heartbeat. I am so lucky, my OB is absolutely wonderful. He asked that I come back in a month. I looked pitiful. He said, "You made it 3 weeks this time!" I said, "Yes, but it was a REEEEEEEALLY long 3 weeks." He said, "Want to come back in 2?" Man, I just can't say enough about the guy. If you're in Central CT and looking for a great OB, email me.
A good friend told me she was surprised I wasn't blogging more about being pregnant. I truly think it's because I'm afraid I'll jinx something. That if I believe it's true, that we're really going to be bringing home another live baby, that Katie will finally have a sibling, it will turn out to be my imagination. Opening myself to think about it, or hope, or believe, also opens me to a great deal of potential pain. I think not talking about it is a way for me to shield myself from the pain. I think I am finally starting to believe that this one is for real. Because Little Person was very clearly that - a little, and very wriggly, person. Somehow, seeing that makes it very real. We're going to have a baby. Wow.
Please keep us in your prayers that Little Person makes it all the way.
Oct 17, 2007
Living for Beads, Beading for Life
My sister and I recently decided to set a limit on the cost of gifts our families buy for one another. We're both having some, um, interesting financial times and it seemed only prudent. It got me thinking (well that and LauraJ's posts on being frugal!). Granted this can be a dangerous thing as I've only a few untainted braincells available for such a purpose but thinking I was. Then I read about this group today in a fellow jewelry designer's blog: http://www.beadforlife.org/beaders/beaders.html
It's so easy to forget, as we struggle to pay our mortgages or take our family on vacation or even grab a bite at a McDonald's, that in many parts of the world, a vacation would be anytime they have enough to eat and aren't falling down from exhaustion. As the holiday season is coming up, if you know any crafty people (they sell loose beads), people that like world music (their group cut a CD), people that would love a little handmade jewelry pouch, or people that like unusual jewelry, please consider a purchase from the Bead for Life store: http://www.beadforlifestore.com/servlet/.3fbe5b94/StoreFront
Yes, I know I make and sell jewelry and, obviously, I love every purchase anyone makes from me, but I can (usually) pay my mortgage. These people often can't put more than one meal on the table a day - and that's exaggerating as they don't have tables. Sometimes, they don't even have cooking pots, mattresses or cots, or a cupboard to store what little they do have.
I've bought a couple CDs and a bunch of loose beads, which you'll see start turning up in my work soon, no doubt.
Other ideas for holiday gifts with added meaning?
http://shop.thehungersite.com/store/category.do?siteId=220&categoryId=284&origin=101171
(if you order the recycled silk yarn, be aware that it is NOT for beginners!)
http://www.supportunicef.org/site/pp.asp?c=9fLEJSOALpE&b=258522
http://www.alternativegifts.org/
http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.204586/
It's so easy to forget, as we struggle to pay our mortgages or take our family on vacation or even grab a bite at a McDonald's, that in many parts of the world, a vacation would be anytime they have enough to eat and aren't falling down from exhaustion. As the holiday season is coming up, if you know any crafty people (they sell loose beads), people that like world music (their group cut a CD), people that would love a little handmade jewelry pouch, or people that like unusual jewelry, please consider a purchase from the Bead for Life store: http://www.beadforlifestore.com/servlet/.3fbe5b94/StoreFront
Yes, I know I make and sell jewelry and, obviously, I love every purchase anyone makes from me, but I can (usually) pay my mortgage. These people often can't put more than one meal on the table a day - and that's exaggerating as they don't have tables. Sometimes, they don't even have cooking pots, mattresses or cots, or a cupboard to store what little they do have.
I've bought a couple CDs and a bunch of loose beads, which you'll see start turning up in my work soon, no doubt.
Other ideas for holiday gifts with added meaning?
http://shop.thehungersite.com/store/category.do?siteId=220&categoryId=284&origin=101171
(if you order the recycled silk yarn, be aware that it is NOT for beginners!)
http://www.supportunicef.org/site/pp.asp?c=9fLEJSOALpE&b=258522
http://www.alternativegifts.org/
http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.204586/
Oct 14, 2007
A Day Like All The Others
Just a day, no reason to feel particularly good or particularly bad. Just a day. Nothing strikingly unusual - nothing even striking.
And I think that's why I'm blue. I got little done today (other than putting the maternity clothes in my dresser and packing the "regular" clothes away). (My husband, meanwhile, cleaned Katie's room and scrubbed the bathroom after cleaning the family room yesterday - I don't deserve this man.) I took a nap, my husband let Katie and me sleep instead of waking us for church, we had dinner, and now I'm here - instead of doing the work I ought to be doing. It was just a blobby, lazy, nothing kind of day. And I'm still wiped out.
I haven't finished the bracelet that I'm working on for class. I haven't really done any jewelry work in two weeks now (since I got back from the last show). I don't feel like doing the work I need to do for "work-work". Time just stretches forward in one long gray stretch of treadmill.
I wasn't always this way - I was a highly motivated, kick-work's-ass, do 8 things at once and have it work, kind of person. That was pre-Katie. I was just getting back to normal when it was time to start the Clomid again and then, of course, Thank God, we got pregnant. Ironically, I am grateful for the fatigue (and the nausea for that matter) as it generally means that intrauterine things are going well. But I am listless as well. (Well, semantically at least because, trust me, I am NOT list-less - I have lists coming out the wazoo.)
I think I'm also feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. Full-time childcare, half-time contract adminstration, two businesses that would flourish so much more if I could put the time and energy into them they deserve, and an independent studies class. And then, of course, there's the "Oh, I can do that for you!" sort of thing - like volunteering to transcribe a multi-part piece of music from a recording for choir. For the first time in my life, I am not keeping up. Sometimes, I wonder if this is an early stage of dementia. I just can't seem to keep my head on straight at times. Or is this just being a mom to a toddler and flooded with hormones?
And then there's the lack of anything interesting going on - no escapism. I've relied heavily on escapism for virtually all my life to get me through the drudgery of existence. And, at the moment, not only do I not have any time for escapism, there is really none on the horizon for quite a while.
Eh, don't mind me. I think I'll just say that "the baby ate my brain" and call it a day.
And I think that's why I'm blue. I got little done today (other than putting the maternity clothes in my dresser and packing the "regular" clothes away). (My husband, meanwhile, cleaned Katie's room and scrubbed the bathroom after cleaning the family room yesterday - I don't deserve this man.) I took a nap, my husband let Katie and me sleep instead of waking us for church, we had dinner, and now I'm here - instead of doing the work I ought to be doing. It was just a blobby, lazy, nothing kind of day. And I'm still wiped out.
I haven't finished the bracelet that I'm working on for class. I haven't really done any jewelry work in two weeks now (since I got back from the last show). I don't feel like doing the work I need to do for "work-work". Time just stretches forward in one long gray stretch of treadmill.
I wasn't always this way - I was a highly motivated, kick-work's-ass, do 8 things at once and have it work, kind of person. That was pre-Katie. I was just getting back to normal when it was time to start the Clomid again and then, of course, Thank God, we got pregnant. Ironically, I am grateful for the fatigue (and the nausea for that matter) as it generally means that intrauterine things are going well. But I am listless as well. (Well, semantically at least because, trust me, I am NOT list-less - I have lists coming out the wazoo.)
I think I'm also feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. Full-time childcare, half-time contract adminstration, two businesses that would flourish so much more if I could put the time and energy into them they deserve, and an independent studies class. And then, of course, there's the "Oh, I can do that for you!" sort of thing - like volunteering to transcribe a multi-part piece of music from a recording for choir. For the first time in my life, I am not keeping up. Sometimes, I wonder if this is an early stage of dementia. I just can't seem to keep my head on straight at times. Or is this just being a mom to a toddler and flooded with hormones?
And then there's the lack of anything interesting going on - no escapism. I've relied heavily on escapism for virtually all my life to get me through the drudgery of existence. And, at the moment, not only do I not have any time for escapism, there is really none on the horizon for quite a while.
Eh, don't mind me. I think I'll just say that "the baby ate my brain" and call it a day.
Oct 10, 2007
Bite-Sized Books
or, rather, bite-sized pieces of books. I recently discovered that our public library is plugged into a service that will deliver 5 minute sections of various books directly into my emailbox. Thrilled with this discovery, I delightedly signed up for 4 or 5 categories. Now, except for textbooks, I have never tried to read 4 or 5 books at the same time. I pick up one book and, generally, devour it whole before starting the next. (If I find I keep putting it down, I used to feel obliged to force myself through it thinking it might improve by the end. It rarely did. These days, I stop reading it altogether - I don't have enough time to read to waste it on books I am not enjoying or characters I don't give a rat's bahooty about.)
Somehow, when I signed up for these 4 - 5 little daily book bites, it didn't occur to me that I would, essentially, be reading 4-5 books at a time. I have news for me: it's not working! I just don't have enough RAM left in my head to keep track of that many plots.
Also, what I didn't realize, is that you only get a week's worth of book before they switch to another one - a mere tease!! This makes sense, of course, as it's a library marketing ploy. It is, however, frustrating. And effective in its purpose. I'll be heading to the library tomorrow to check out a copy of Monica Pradhan's The Hindi-Bindi Club.
Go figure.
Somehow, when I signed up for these 4 - 5 little daily book bites, it didn't occur to me that I would, essentially, be reading 4-5 books at a time. I have news for me: it's not working! I just don't have enough RAM left in my head to keep track of that many plots.
Also, what I didn't realize, is that you only get a week's worth of book before they switch to another one - a mere tease!! This makes sense, of course, as it's a library marketing ploy. It is, however, frustrating. And effective in its purpose. I'll be heading to the library tomorrow to check out a copy of Monica Pradhan's The Hindi-Bindi Club.
Go figure.
Sep 24, 2007
Wisdom By the Awful Grace of God
"When I was ten my father held me
on his shoulders above the crowd
to see a train draped in mourning
pass slowly through our town.
His widow kneeled with all their children
at the sacred burial ground
and the TV glowed that long hot summer
with all the cities burning down." Mary Chapin Carpenter
"Eddy, now don't you run,
you know you're a bootlegger's son,
and you saw just what they've done
to your brothers." Styx
We recently signed up with Netflix and, although it is costing us more than it would to go down to Bl0ckbuster and rent movies, the selection of documentaries is astounding. We just watched... and rewatched... PBS's edition of American Experience on Bobby Kennedy.
Now, I have been a Kennedyite since my first exposure to that administration in my AP American History Class in high school, where my term paper was on the relationship between the Kennedy administration and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (Anyone looking for a good book on the topic: Of Kennedys and Kings by Harris Wofford.) But my focus, as is typical I think, was on JFK - the president is the most public face of an administration and, as a high schooler in the middle of nowhere, I did not understand the symbiotic relationship between the brothers enough to pursue it in more depth. In that, I think I did myself, and RFK, a great disservice.
Watching this documentary was, in no small way, transfiguring as, indeed, RFK was transfigured from the 'runt' of the family (his father's word) to the dogged supporter, to the champion of the disenfranchised. I am changed for having witnessed, albeit at a great distance, his change.
It is fascinating also to see history, for thus it is now, in the words and pictures and actions of its creators. Somehow, there is more potency in hearing RFK's words, seeing him speak the words, in Indianapolis informing the crowd of the assassination of MLK, than there is in reading it in print. It has an impact that older history must surely suffer from in comparison.
I finished the documentary, both viewings, weeping for the loss of a man I cannot remember, the loss of his potential, the loss of our own potential through his inspiration.
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God." Aeschylus
on his shoulders above the crowd
to see a train draped in mourning
pass slowly through our town.
His widow kneeled with all their children
at the sacred burial ground
and the TV glowed that long hot summer
with all the cities burning down." Mary Chapin Carpenter
"Eddy, now don't you run,
you know you're a bootlegger's son,
and you saw just what they've done
to your brothers." Styx
We recently signed up with Netflix and, although it is costing us more than it would to go down to Bl0ckbuster and rent movies, the selection of documentaries is astounding. We just watched... and rewatched... PBS's edition of American Experience on Bobby Kennedy.
Now, I have been a Kennedyite since my first exposure to that administration in my AP American History Class in high school, where my term paper was on the relationship between the Kennedy administration and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (Anyone looking for a good book on the topic: Of Kennedys and Kings by Harris Wofford.) But my focus, as is typical I think, was on JFK - the president is the most public face of an administration and, as a high schooler in the middle of nowhere, I did not understand the symbiotic relationship between the brothers enough to pursue it in more depth. In that, I think I did myself, and RFK, a great disservice.
Watching this documentary was, in no small way, transfiguring as, indeed, RFK was transfigured from the 'runt' of the family (his father's word) to the dogged supporter, to the champion of the disenfranchised. I am changed for having witnessed, albeit at a great distance, his change.
It is fascinating also to see history, for thus it is now, in the words and pictures and actions of its creators. Somehow, there is more potency in hearing RFK's words, seeing him speak the words, in Indianapolis informing the crowd of the assassination of MLK, than there is in reading it in print. It has an impact that older history must surely suffer from in comparison.
I finished the documentary, both viewings, weeping for the loss of a man I cannot remember, the loss of his potential, the loss of our own potential through his inspiration.
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God." Aeschylus
Sep 18, 2007
A Night at the Movies
I'll admit it - I'm not into "film". I like *movies*. Great art isn't necessarily what I'm looking for; I like a rollicking good tale, well told, with appealing characters. I want escapism, for the most part.
Jade's entry on her favorite movies of all time got me thinking... what are mine and why?
Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade - "Dad, I *was* the next man!" What's not to love? I only hope the next one is as good. (Part of it was filmed about 45 minutes away this summer so it's underway!)
Galaxy Quest - Maybe you have to be a Trekker with a good dose of humility to appreciate it but I didn't know I could laugh so hard and NOT bust something!
Apollo 13 - I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up (still do but I'm 40, nearly blind, and fat... chances are diminishing rapidly!) and this story captivated me. Gary Sinise did a great job in this bringing a character to life that could've been easily overlooked.
Stargate - absolutely.
Princess Bride - "It just so happens that your friend here is only *almost* dead." "'Allo, my name is Inigo Montoya, you keel my father, preepare to die!" "Wuv, twoo wuv..."
Say Anything - Yes, it's a bit cheesy, I don't care. It's still a fave.
The Cutting Edge - the same genre but with figure skating! Woohoo!! The look on Moira Kelly's face when she's standing back against the hotel corridor, hungover as all hell, when she realizes she's locked herself out. Ouch.
Ladyhawke - "Truth is, I talk to God all the time and he never said anything about you." A young Matthew Broderick, Rutger Hauer (mmm!), and a hauntingly beautiful Michelle Pfeiffer.
Star Wars - the first one - um, the first one that came out - not Episode I (*that* was mediocre). Space opera at its finest and with a *great* score.
Million Dollar Baby - Not a huge Clint Eastwood fan but this was a really good movie (Unforgiven was great too). Not sure I'd watch it again, though, I cried too hard the first time.
Pride & Prejudice - the A&E version. Ok, technically, this was a miniseries but I'm counting it here anyway. I've seen several P&P versions but this came the closest to what was in my head in one of my countless re-readings of the Austen classic.
Ghostbusters - "Nobody steps on a church in *my* town!" Again, it's the supporting characters that get me - Harold Ramis and Dan Akroyd are hilarious. And the short little geeky guy.
Top Gun - Yes, it's a pretty mediocre movie but the flying is AWESOME. I saw this 8 times in the theater while I was in college.
Probably the absolute top of the list is Schindler's List. I've watched it only twice because it's so emotionally draining. No, it's not escapism; it's gutwrenching. What capped that movie for me? The end where the survivors are placing stones on Schindler's grave. I sobbed.
Lord of the Rings - take my all time favorite book(s) and turn it into a movie? I've watched the trilogy (the extended DVD versions) close on to 10 times now. I think it made an enormous difference that they filmed them back to back. It's clear that Alan Lee, Peter Jackson, the cast, and me share a vision of what Tolkien was after. Transfixing. Only thing that could surpass it? Make one of the Silmarillion.
What are yours?
Jade's entry on her favorite movies of all time got me thinking... what are mine and why?
Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade - "Dad, I *was* the next man!" What's not to love? I only hope the next one is as good. (Part of it was filmed about 45 minutes away this summer so it's underway!)
Galaxy Quest - Maybe you have to be a Trekker with a good dose of humility to appreciate it but I didn't know I could laugh so hard and NOT bust something!
Apollo 13 - I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up (still do but I'm 40, nearly blind, and fat... chances are diminishing rapidly!) and this story captivated me. Gary Sinise did a great job in this bringing a character to life that could've been easily overlooked.
Stargate - absolutely.
Princess Bride - "It just so happens that your friend here is only *almost* dead." "'Allo, my name is Inigo Montoya, you keel my father, preepare to die!" "Wuv, twoo wuv..."
Say Anything - Yes, it's a bit cheesy, I don't care. It's still a fave.
The Cutting Edge - the same genre but with figure skating! Woohoo!! The look on Moira Kelly's face when she's standing back against the hotel corridor, hungover as all hell, when she realizes she's locked herself out. Ouch.
Ladyhawke - "Truth is, I talk to God all the time and he never said anything about you." A young Matthew Broderick, Rutger Hauer (mmm!), and a hauntingly beautiful Michelle Pfeiffer.
Star Wars - the first one - um, the first one that came out - not Episode I (*that* was mediocre). Space opera at its finest and with a *great* score.
Million Dollar Baby - Not a huge Clint Eastwood fan but this was a really good movie (Unforgiven was great too). Not sure I'd watch it again, though, I cried too hard the first time.
Pride & Prejudice - the A&E version. Ok, technically, this was a miniseries but I'm counting it here anyway. I've seen several P&P versions but this came the closest to what was in my head in one of my countless re-readings of the Austen classic.
Ghostbusters - "Nobody steps on a church in *my* town!" Again, it's the supporting characters that get me - Harold Ramis and Dan Akroyd are hilarious. And the short little geeky guy.
Top Gun - Yes, it's a pretty mediocre movie but the flying is AWESOME. I saw this 8 times in the theater while I was in college.
Probably the absolute top of the list is Schindler's List. I've watched it only twice because it's so emotionally draining. No, it's not escapism; it's gutwrenching. What capped that movie for me? The end where the survivors are placing stones on Schindler's grave. I sobbed.
Lord of the Rings - take my all time favorite book(s) and turn it into a movie? I've watched the trilogy (the extended DVD versions) close on to 10 times now. I think it made an enormous difference that they filmed them back to back. It's clear that Alan Lee, Peter Jackson, the cast, and me share a vision of what Tolkien was after. Transfixing. Only thing that could surpass it? Make one of the Silmarillion.
What are yours?
Sep 6, 2007
A Gordian Knot of Nerves and Excitement
Well, I heard from my OB at 2:07 p.m. this afternoon. Looks like I peed on enough sticks. (Although I peed on another one this morning - just to be sure... again.) We are, indeed, expecting again. My HCG number is good and my progesterone is terrific. (They look for at least 15 with 20 being quite good and mine's 42.) We have our first ultrasound scheduled for about 8 weeks - September 27th.
I am thrilled.
I am terrified.
It's going to be a very long 3 weeks.
I am thrilled.
I am terrified.
It's going to be a very long 3 weeks.
A Day of Grief; A Day of Hope
As I was visiting a friend today, her sister called, distraught. The sister had just had an ultrasound that showed her baby had no heartbeat. She is, was, 9 weeks along. Right about when we lost the Baby That Wasn't. I was not prepared for the raw grief that surfaced again so quickly. How visceral the memory is of hearing the same words not a year ago.
The surreality of the situation was heightened by my trip (just prior to visiting my friend) to the doctor's office to have blood drawn to check for HCG and progesterone to see if we are, indeed, expecting again. I've had four positive pee-on-a-stick results but, as anyone who has struggled to get and stay pregnant knows, that doesn't mean squat until the doctor says your levels are good. Even then, there ain't nothin' guaranteed. You can't be sure you'll be walking out the door with a baby (ok, riding out since they insist on the wheelchair thing) until you're actually doing it.
Sometimes the circle of life spins just a little too fast to be sure which end is up.
The surreality of the situation was heightened by my trip (just prior to visiting my friend) to the doctor's office to have blood drawn to check for HCG and progesterone to see if we are, indeed, expecting again. I've had four positive pee-on-a-stick results but, as anyone who has struggled to get and stay pregnant knows, that doesn't mean squat until the doctor says your levels are good. Even then, there ain't nothin' guaranteed. You can't be sure you'll be walking out the door with a baby (ok, riding out since they insist on the wheelchair thing) until you're actually doing it.
Sometimes the circle of life spins just a little too fast to be sure which end is up.
Sep 3, 2007
Choose to Live to Fight Again Another Day
Thank you all for your potty training stories! It's good to know I'm not alone rather than just hearing "do this, don't do that!" From what I've heard and read, there really needs to be an interest on the part of the child and she just doesn't have it. She doesn't care if she's wet. She doesn't recognize that she's about to go. And, until she does, ain't nothin' gonna happen.
So, having seen no improvement over the last week, we have decided to table it for a month or two and then try again.
LOL - maybe if I tell her she's not allowed to sit on the potty anymore, she'll get interested? (Hmmm... is using reverse psychology acceptable on almost 2 year olds?)
So, having seen no improvement over the last week, we have decided to table it for a month or two and then try again.
LOL - maybe if I tell her she's not allowed to sit on the potty anymore, she'll get interested? (Hmmm... is using reverse psychology acceptable on almost 2 year olds?)
Aug 30, 2007
I Just Can't Do This
Dear God,
I just can't do this. I've got people scolding me because Katie's not potty trained by now; I've got other people scolding me that I "shouldn't push it". (What the fuck is 'pushing it' anyway? I'm not forcing her to sit on the seat, for God's sake, and all the books say it may take several days for them to actually go in the potty.) I can't seem to please anybody, including me or Katie or John. Doesn't matter whether I do it or not; I lose either way.
I've cleaned up 5 pee puddles yesterday and we went through 8 pair of training pants. She sits on the toilet for 10 minutes willingly but won't pee. She won't tell me when she has to pee though sometimes she'll tell me that she made a mess. She just peed on the couch and John is going to be furious. It's not her fault though I can't figure out why she just won't tell me she needs to pee - I mean how hard is it to associate the feeling with the icky feeling of the fluid running down her legs?? I don't want him to be mad at her and I don't want him to be made at me either, God. And I know he thinks I must be doing something wrong or she'd not be peeing all over the place. I was potty trained by 16 months and John was potty trained by 2.
She just won't pay attention to me either when I'm talking to her about telling me when she has to go pee. I've tried offering rewards (she gets to splash in the sink, which she adores, only if she's gone in the potty). She just doesn't get it. I'm sobbing and she's saying "Mama crying. Big hugs?" It's sweet but I'm crying because of her and utter frustration. She just doesn't get it, I guess.
God, I can't make this work; I just can't do it. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Love,
PPG
I just can't do this. I've got people scolding me because Katie's not potty trained by now; I've got other people scolding me that I "shouldn't push it". (What the fuck is 'pushing it' anyway? I'm not forcing her to sit on the seat, for God's sake, and all the books say it may take several days for them to actually go in the potty.) I can't seem to please anybody, including me or Katie or John. Doesn't matter whether I do it or not; I lose either way.
I've cleaned up 5 pee puddles yesterday and we went through 8 pair of training pants. She sits on the toilet for 10 minutes willingly but won't pee. She won't tell me when she has to pee though sometimes she'll tell me that she made a mess. She just peed on the couch and John is going to be furious. It's not her fault though I can't figure out why she just won't tell me she needs to pee - I mean how hard is it to associate the feeling with the icky feeling of the fluid running down her legs?? I don't want him to be mad at her and I don't want him to be made at me either, God. And I know he thinks I must be doing something wrong or she'd not be peeing all over the place. I was potty trained by 16 months and John was potty trained by 2.
She just won't pay attention to me either when I'm talking to her about telling me when she has to go pee. I've tried offering rewards (she gets to splash in the sink, which she adores, only if she's gone in the potty). She just doesn't get it. I'm sobbing and she's saying "Mama crying. Big hugs?" It's sweet but I'm crying because of her and utter frustration. She just doesn't get it, I guess.
God, I can't make this work; I just can't do it. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Love,
PPG
Aug 28, 2007
Kicking To-Do List Butt!
- MY WEBSITE IS UP-TO-DATE!
- I got the cords and ribbons bought that I needed to finish 4 necklaces that have been sitting on my desk for 7-8 days now.
- I finished the 4 necklaces.
- MY WEBSITE IS UP-TO-DATE!
- I finished my first assignment, just about, from my jewelry teacher.
- I had a brainstorm about how to get all those damn invoice line-items into my database (get an intern from the high school)!
- MY WEBSITE IS UP-TO-DATE!
ROTFLMAO. Ok, what I mean by that is that all the jewelry that's been photographed and priced is up. I have a bunch that needs to be priced once I get those damned invoice line-items into my database and then photo-ed and then put up. I also wanted to put some 'true' content on there - like descriptions of the main stones I use and what cane glass/sterling/etc. is. But, yeah, I'm a little pleased with myself. Of course, I got nothing done around the house and the living room/sunroom/dining room look like the toy bin, block bin, and stuffed animal bin exploded simultaneously and with great verve.
In other news, my new glasses are here!! They look like this in color 1015. I am very glad to have them; my eyes were getting wicked tired in my contacts. (The combination of myopia and astigmatism in my eyes means they can't get my prescription quite right in them, unfortunately.) These are easily the funkiest glasses I've ever had (yes, I know, but, honestly, I've really always had very boring glasses) and I really like the wide lenses.
Did I mention my website is up-to-date?
Aug 22, 2007
How Do *You* Spell Relief?
Well, it turns out that someone didn't intend to steal $165 from my bank account; it was an honest mistake. Someone with the same name as me asked a bank teller for her account number and they gave her mine instead. Go figure. I am, to be sure, quite relieved. Not only that someone isn't running around with my personal information but that I don't have to change my account number!
In other news, I've started a Habit of Attraction process. The idea is that you get what you focus on. So, I'm focusing on jewelry design success!
And, now, because I liked SmileyMamaT's meme responses so much, I'm going to do the meme even though I wasn't tagged (is that a breach of netiquette?)!
1. Who was your best friend? Maggie and Nora - jointly - we'd been friends since elementary school when we called each other Smelly, Snore, and Maggot.
2. Did you play any sports? You have got to be kidding me. I think coaches would have paid me NOT to try out for the teams!
3. What kind of car did you drive? Well, I didn't have my own car but I did a lot of sibling chauffering in a silver blue 2 door Datsun 310 4 speed. Underpowered, tiny, but loved.
4. It's Friday night. Where were you? Home. I was rather a social pariah and, besides, wasn't Remington Steele on on Fridays?
5. Were you a party animal? See #4.
6. Were you considered a flirt? Nope - that would've required me to talk to boys!
7. Were you in the band, orchestra, or choir? We didn't have an orchestra but, oh yes, french horn in band (first chair, senior year!) and both choir and special (jazz choir).
8. Were you a nerd? Absolutely. I didn't get cool until I was 30.
9. Were you ever suspended or expelled? Oh God, no. My mother would've killed me.
10. Can you sing the fight song? I don't think we had one. I can sing the alma mater though!
11. Who was your favorite teacher? Mr. Biviano - English teacher. Very cool (even if he always did park in the no parking zone) and very understanding of geeky young kids that love to write.
12. What was your school mascot? An eagle.
13. Did you go to the prom? Both junior and senior year, with the same guy (much to his mother's eternal chagrin!). Wore the same dress both years but pulled the shoulders down the second year to make it look new. He wore a white tux with a ruffled shirt - ah, the 80s!
14. If you could go back, would you? No, no, no, and Hell No!
15. What do you remember most about graduation? It being an anticlimax. I guess I expected to feel more triumph or something - just another day in the life...
16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day? In school. See comment above about my mom.
17. Did you have a job your senior year? Yep. I filed repair orders, did basic administrative stuff, and ran the cash register at a car dealership.
18. Where did you go most often for lunch? No choice in our area: cafeteria all the way.
19. Have you gained weight since then? What do YOU think??!
20. What did you do after graduation? Worked all summer. Oh, and tried to take up smoking. It was just nasty.
21. What year did you graduate (HS)? 1985
22. Who was your Senior Prom date? My boyfriend of a year who I figured I was destined to marry but, no, I was only destined to date him for a couple years listening to my sister call him "ape man".
23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion? They had a picnic. I went. It was ok. I still feel awkward around them all though!
See, now, Graymama, 23 things isn't so hard if it's direct questions! ;-)
In other news, I've started a Habit of Attraction process. The idea is that you get what you focus on. So, I'm focusing on jewelry design success!
And, now, because I liked SmileyMamaT's meme responses so much, I'm going to do the meme even though I wasn't tagged (is that a breach of netiquette?)!
1. Who was your best friend? Maggie and Nora - jointly - we'd been friends since elementary school when we called each other Smelly, Snore, and Maggot.
2. Did you play any sports? You have got to be kidding me. I think coaches would have paid me NOT to try out for the teams!
3. What kind of car did you drive? Well, I didn't have my own car but I did a lot of sibling chauffering in a silver blue 2 door Datsun 310 4 speed. Underpowered, tiny, but loved.
4. It's Friday night. Where were you? Home. I was rather a social pariah and, besides, wasn't Remington Steele on on Fridays?
5. Were you a party animal? See #4.
6. Were you considered a flirt? Nope - that would've required me to talk to boys!
7. Were you in the band, orchestra, or choir? We didn't have an orchestra but, oh yes, french horn in band (first chair, senior year!) and both choir and special (jazz choir).
8. Were you a nerd? Absolutely. I didn't get cool until I was 30.
9. Were you ever suspended or expelled? Oh God, no. My mother would've killed me.
10. Can you sing the fight song? I don't think we had one. I can sing the alma mater though!
11. Who was your favorite teacher? Mr. Biviano - English teacher. Very cool (even if he always did park in the no parking zone) and very understanding of geeky young kids that love to write.
12. What was your school mascot? An eagle.
13. Did you go to the prom? Both junior and senior year, with the same guy (much to his mother's eternal chagrin!). Wore the same dress both years but pulled the shoulders down the second year to make it look new. He wore a white tux with a ruffled shirt - ah, the 80s!
14. If you could go back, would you? No, no, no, and Hell No!
15. What do you remember most about graduation? It being an anticlimax. I guess I expected to feel more triumph or something - just another day in the life...
16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day? In school. See comment above about my mom.
17. Did you have a job your senior year? Yep. I filed repair orders, did basic administrative stuff, and ran the cash register at a car dealership.
18. Where did you go most often for lunch? No choice in our area: cafeteria all the way.
19. Have you gained weight since then? What do YOU think??!
20. What did you do after graduation? Worked all summer. Oh, and tried to take up smoking. It was just nasty.
21. What year did you graduate (HS)? 1985
22. Who was your Senior Prom date? My boyfriend of a year who I figured I was destined to marry but, no, I was only destined to date him for a couple years listening to my sister call him "ape man".
23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion? They had a picnic. I went. It was ok. I still feel awkward around them all though!
See, now, Graymama, 23 things isn't so hard if it's direct questions! ;-)
Aug 17, 2007
Misadventures in Banking
Sometimes people just astound, and horrify, me.
I checked my business checking account online last night. Hmm, said I, what is this $165 "check withdrawal"? I'd bought a fair amount of supplies lately so I checked all the invoices - no $165 even. Now, I know that, in the general way of things, $165 isn't considered a lot but, you know, I'm a microbusiness; it's over $15% of my checking account balance so, by now, I've started to get a little concerned.
And, it turns out, I had right to be.
Someone walked into a branch of my bank and withdrew $165 from my checking account. They spelled my name wrong on the slip, the signature doesn't match mine in the slightest, and the driver's license number doesn't match mine. Fortunately.
I am also very fortunate to know the branch manager personally. I can't swear to this, obviously, but I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't have gotten the help and belief I did from a customer service rep on the 800 number. They'll credit my account with the money (eventually) and they're going to try to track down the thief.
Unfortunately, unless they do catch her, I will probably never know how she got my business checking account number. I don't use but 2-3 of those checks a month and don't carry the checkbook with me. So the simplest conclusion is that either (a) one of the companies/offices to which I wrote a check has a dishonest employee or (b) someone I welcomed into my home copied the number down from where my checkbook sat in my back hall. And the kicker about the second one is that only friends ever get into my back hall. I'd really prefer to believe that none of my friends would be so despicable.
Assuming it wasn't one of my friends (please, God!), and barring anything really bizarre, it was probably, then, either someone at our town tax collector's office or the secretary of the state's office. While that, too, would be despicable, it at least wouldn't be quite so personal. Also, if it is that situation, she's probably doing it to more than just me.
The whole situation just makes me feel slightly sick.
I checked my business checking account online last night. Hmm, said I, what is this $165 "check withdrawal"? I'd bought a fair amount of supplies lately so I checked all the invoices - no $165 even. Now, I know that, in the general way of things, $165 isn't considered a lot but, you know, I'm a microbusiness; it's over $15% of my checking account balance so, by now, I've started to get a little concerned.
And, it turns out, I had right to be.
Someone walked into a branch of my bank and withdrew $165 from my checking account. They spelled my name wrong on the slip, the signature doesn't match mine in the slightest, and the driver's license number doesn't match mine. Fortunately.
I am also very fortunate to know the branch manager personally. I can't swear to this, obviously, but I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't have gotten the help and belief I did from a customer service rep on the 800 number. They'll credit my account with the money (eventually) and they're going to try to track down the thief.
Unfortunately, unless they do catch her, I will probably never know how she got my business checking account number. I don't use but 2-3 of those checks a month and don't carry the checkbook with me. So the simplest conclusion is that either (a) one of the companies/offices to which I wrote a check has a dishonest employee or (b) someone I welcomed into my home copied the number down from where my checkbook sat in my back hall. And the kicker about the second one is that only friends ever get into my back hall. I'd really prefer to believe that none of my friends would be so despicable.
Assuming it wasn't one of my friends (please, God!), and barring anything really bizarre, it was probably, then, either someone at our town tax collector's office or the secretary of the state's office. While that, too, would be despicable, it at least wouldn't be quite so personal. Also, if it is that situation, she's probably doing it to more than just me.
The whole situation just makes me feel slightly sick.
Aug 13, 2007
23 Random Things for the Easily Entertained
because, Lord knows, they sure aren't terribly interesting otherwise! Honestly, I wouldn't be subjecting y'all to these if I hadn't been specifically tagged (and then reminded).
1. I won 3rd place in an energy use awareness poster contest in 5th grade. My poster featured a duck outline with various energy saving ideas inside and the headline "If we don't save energy, we're all dead ducks!" I won a yellow clipboard folder that I had for many, many years and, actually, I think I still have it somewhere.
2. I really don't want to review the contract I am reviewing. Reviewing contracts is BORING.
3. My shoes had to be special-ordered when I was a kid because my feet were so wide.
4. I have a high tolerance for mess but, after a while, the mess makes me feel frantic.
5. I've finished reviewing that contract and have no excuse to not do this meme.
6. My daughter has a really obnoxious toy that goes off randomly at night and freaks me out.
7. When I was single, I used to take The X-Files on Friday nights and watch it Saturday mornings because it freaked me out too much to watch it alone at night.
8. In between my sophomore and junior years of college, my friends and I used to go and hang out at the Perkins a couple of towns away - it was open 24 hours and we'd sit there drinking coffee until 2 am and then I'd have to get up at 5:30 to catch a ride to work with my parents. It was the Summer of Caffeine.
9. A couple of times when we were there, someone egged my (parents') car. I always wondered why someone would feel the need to be that mean to me.
10. I accidentally punched Julie P in the boob in 9th grade homeroom.
11. I am really stretching here...
12. I love licorice allsorts, toffee almond crunch, and buttered popcorn jelly bellies.
13. My c-section scar still bothers me (physically) sometimes.
14. I absolutely loathe mushy bread-type foods - from stuffing to bread pudding - YUCK! The same goes for virtually all custards/souffles/creme brulees/etc. The texture makes me slightly sick.
15. The song on my iTunes at the moment is Semisonic's "Closing Time". "Time for you to go out to the places you will be from... Gather up your jackets and move it to the exits; I hope you have found a friend... every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
16. I actually kind of like "Goodnight Moon" but I really dislike that Pooh book with the sounds.
17. I'm not good at meditating. I'd like to be but I just won't put in the effort needed to get there.
18. If I could do any job I wanted in the world, I'd be torn between Broadway star, astronaut, and fighter pilot.
19. When we were young, we had an enormous vegetable garden which we kids had to weed. Our neighbor, Mrs. Swift, used to call my mother and tell her when we were goofing off instead of weeding. Someone who would go away on vacation and leave food on the stove in pots really had no business doing that! (We used to water their plants and feed the poor fish/hermit crab du jour.)
20. Up until the moment I got my diploma, I was sure that Smith was going to realize that admitting me was a mistake and tell me to finish my degree somewhere else.
21. I have come to peace with being the ornamental child. So has my mother. Finally.
22. I have not come to peace with my weight. Neither has my mother.
23. I am still not going to send my Pelikan to JerseyTjej. Sorry, JT.
Ha! I'm done! Woohoo!! (Except that now I have to go enter invoices into my jewelry parts database - doesn't *that* sound like fun?)
1. I won 3rd place in an energy use awareness poster contest in 5th grade. My poster featured a duck outline with various energy saving ideas inside and the headline "If we don't save energy, we're all dead ducks!" I won a yellow clipboard folder that I had for many, many years and, actually, I think I still have it somewhere.
2. I really don't want to review the contract I am reviewing. Reviewing contracts is BORING.
3. My shoes had to be special-ordered when I was a kid because my feet were so wide.
4. I have a high tolerance for mess but, after a while, the mess makes me feel frantic.
5. I've finished reviewing that contract and have no excuse to not do this meme.
6. My daughter has a really obnoxious toy that goes off randomly at night and freaks me out.
7. When I was single, I used to take The X-Files on Friday nights and watch it Saturday mornings because it freaked me out too much to watch it alone at night.
8. In between my sophomore and junior years of college, my friends and I used to go and hang out at the Perkins a couple of towns away - it was open 24 hours and we'd sit there drinking coffee until 2 am and then I'd have to get up at 5:30 to catch a ride to work with my parents. It was the Summer of Caffeine.
9. A couple of times when we were there, someone egged my (parents') car. I always wondered why someone would feel the need to be that mean to me.
10. I accidentally punched Julie P in the boob in 9th grade homeroom.
11. I am really stretching here...
12. I love licorice allsorts, toffee almond crunch, and buttered popcorn jelly bellies.
13. My c-section scar still bothers me (physically) sometimes.
14. I absolutely loathe mushy bread-type foods - from stuffing to bread pudding - YUCK! The same goes for virtually all custards/souffles/creme brulees/etc. The texture makes me slightly sick.
15. The song on my iTunes at the moment is Semisonic's "Closing Time". "Time for you to go out to the places you will be from... Gather up your jackets and move it to the exits; I hope you have found a friend... every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
16. I actually kind of like "Goodnight Moon" but I really dislike that Pooh book with the sounds.
17. I'm not good at meditating. I'd like to be but I just won't put in the effort needed to get there.
18. If I could do any job I wanted in the world, I'd be torn between Broadway star, astronaut, and fighter pilot.
19. When we were young, we had an enormous vegetable garden which we kids had to weed. Our neighbor, Mrs. Swift, used to call my mother and tell her when we were goofing off instead of weeding. Someone who would go away on vacation and leave food on the stove in pots really had no business doing that! (We used to water their plants and feed the poor fish/hermit crab du jour.)
20. Up until the moment I got my diploma, I was sure that Smith was going to realize that admitting me was a mistake and tell me to finish my degree somewhere else.
21. I have come to peace with being the ornamental child. So has my mother. Finally.
22. I have not come to peace with my weight. Neither has my mother.
23. I am still not going to send my Pelikan to JerseyTjej. Sorry, JT.
Ha! I'm done! Woohoo!! (Except that now I have to go enter invoices into my jewelry parts database - doesn't *that* sound like fun?)
Aug 12, 2007
I Can Space Again!
I suppose I shouldn't be nearly as excited about having my laptop back as I am. But that's just too bad. Because I am very excited - the Comfy Chair in the sunroom is much easier on my behind than my office chair and there is no good place to put my feet up in my office.
A big shout out to Fujitsu as they turned my laptop around in approximately 2 business days from when they received it. Worth buying the 3 year warranty, I tell ya. Of course, it cost $26 to ship my laptop there but, hey, I've got to bet it would've cost me a lot more to have the keyboard replaced locally.
So, what's been going on?
Well, I did well at the show in Cape May but, as I think I told y'all, my daughter ripped the drapes down in a restaurant. It was a stressful weekend but at least marginally profitable and very emotionally profitable in terms of positive comments on my jewelry and sale of one of my couture pieces. I always hate to see those go but this young couple were so sweet and she loved the necklace so that it was worth it. That piece never made it onto my website (in fact, the photos are still in my camera!) but I'll get it up in the "favorite sold pieces" gallery soon.
No sooner had we come back from Cape May than the whole no-space-bar thing happened. By the time I got the laptop packed up and shipped out, I needed to pack myself and ready the household for my 3 days away at a company retreat for my part time job. I went off to a resort on Sunday afternoon and didn't return until Tuesday night. I had the first 24 hours predominantly to myself. It was the first significant "alone" time I've had in 2 years. So, what did I do? This is a tad embarrassing but, well, I put on my PJs and plunked myself down on the couch in my hotel suite with a borrowed laptop to write. I didn't even turn the giant TV on, didn't surf the web. Nope. Coworkers stopped by to see if I wanted to go out with them. Nope. I drank wine, ate junk food, and wrote. It was absolutely wonderful. That story will probably sit for another 2 years until I get more alone time but, hey, I made a start at least.
I do feel vaguely guilty that I didn't miss my daughter and husband more but, man, it sure felt good just to be *alone*! I am a solitary beast by nature and all the enforced sociability just grates on me after awhile.
So, I get back on Tuesday night and immediately have to jump into Director of Music Ministry interviews/auditions on Wednesday, then I have to prep for houseguests that arrived Friday night for a party on Saturday. We had a blast - my sister and her friend are a lot of fun and we read Tarot cards, drank a *lot* of booze, and ate and she sold purses and life was grand.
I finally unpacked my suitcase today and got my bedroom at least marginally tidied (the dresser top will have to wait for another day, I'm afraid). I have the office to do yet - for the last 3 weeks, all incoming supplies have been heaped in a pile on the client chair and there are stacks of crap everywhere. 3 weeks ago, my office looked great - but with the coming and going and then the frantic shifting of stuff so as to be able to use the desktop computer from the other side of the desk (so I didn't have to move the chair back and forth over the desk (small office) each time I wanted to use teh jewelry bench or computer) and then the shoveling of all the crap from the kitchen into my office (to hide it for the party) - my office looks horrific. I shudder every time I walk in there. I have so much jewelry to make to bring stock levels back up but I think I'll take tomorrow's naptime just to tidy and organize my office.
And that's all there is. G'night everyone!
A big shout out to Fujitsu as they turned my laptop around in approximately 2 business days from when they received it. Worth buying the 3 year warranty, I tell ya. Of course, it cost $26 to ship my laptop there but, hey, I've got to bet it would've cost me a lot more to have the keyboard replaced locally.
So, what's been going on?
Well, I did well at the show in Cape May but, as I think I told y'all, my daughter ripped the drapes down in a restaurant. It was a stressful weekend but at least marginally profitable and very emotionally profitable in terms of positive comments on my jewelry and sale of one of my couture pieces. I always hate to see those go but this young couple were so sweet and she loved the necklace so that it was worth it. That piece never made it onto my website (in fact, the photos are still in my camera!) but I'll get it up in the "favorite sold pieces" gallery soon.
No sooner had we come back from Cape May than the whole no-space-bar thing happened. By the time I got the laptop packed up and shipped out, I needed to pack myself and ready the household for my 3 days away at a company retreat for my part time job. I went off to a resort on Sunday afternoon and didn't return until Tuesday night. I had the first 24 hours predominantly to myself. It was the first significant "alone" time I've had in 2 years. So, what did I do? This is a tad embarrassing but, well, I put on my PJs and plunked myself down on the couch in my hotel suite with a borrowed laptop to write. I didn't even turn the giant TV on, didn't surf the web. Nope. Coworkers stopped by to see if I wanted to go out with them. Nope. I drank wine, ate junk food, and wrote. It was absolutely wonderful. That story will probably sit for another 2 years until I get more alone time but, hey, I made a start at least.
I do feel vaguely guilty that I didn't miss my daughter and husband more but, man, it sure felt good just to be *alone*! I am a solitary beast by nature and all the enforced sociability just grates on me after awhile.
So, I get back on Tuesday night and immediately have to jump into Director of Music Ministry interviews/auditions on Wednesday, then I have to prep for houseguests that arrived Friday night for a party on Saturday. We had a blast - my sister and her friend are a lot of fun and we read Tarot cards, drank a *lot* of booze, and ate and she sold purses and life was grand.
I finally unpacked my suitcase today and got my bedroom at least marginally tidied (the dresser top will have to wait for another day, I'm afraid). I have the office to do yet - for the last 3 weeks, all incoming supplies have been heaped in a pile on the client chair and there are stacks of crap everywhere. 3 weeks ago, my office looked great - but with the coming and going and then the frantic shifting of stuff so as to be able to use the desktop computer from the other side of the desk (so I didn't have to move the chair back and forth over the desk (small office) each time I wanted to use teh jewelry bench or computer) and then the shoveling of all the crap from the kitchen into my office (to hide it for the party) - my office looks horrific. I shudder every time I walk in there. I have so much jewelry to make to bring stock levels back up but I think I'll take tomorrow's naptime just to tidy and organize my office.
And that's all there is. G'night everyone!
Aug 1, 2007
Don't Judge Me and I Won't Judge You, Sister.
Got my laptop shipped out for repairs today (you may have noticed that there are spaces in this post ;-) ) Should be back in about 3 weeks (week out, week there, week back). Working on the desktop now - short on programs but moderately functional as long as I don't need to do any web-work or connect to my server for my contract administration job.
In other gripes (yes, I'm whining again!)... My sister thinks I'm depressed. She's full of shit. I'm not depressed; I'm overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I've got 2 businesses, a half-time job, and am a full-time mom hopped up on fertility drugs. Her response to that is that other people have other stuff that fills their time and they don't get overwhelmed. Well, I'm sorry - somehow I don't see filling one's time watching the nightly lineup on cable whilst having a well-earned margarita as being terribly overwhelming! She works fulltime and her kids are in daycare. She can go to the doctor's in the middle of the day by herself. She can have her nails done on lunch - by herself. She can drive in her car - by herself. When I talked to her, she was on her way to the gym - by herself. I would not trade my daughter (or any other children we manage to have) for the world but 24/7/365 gets a little oppressive and I am heartily sick and tired of people who work fulltime, don't have primary childcare responsibilities, and get their evenings to themselves because they're not working at night thinking my life is a bed of fucking de-thorned roses.
I think it all comes down to the fact that society in general doesn't see being a stay-at-home parent as being work. Somehow, the fact that they have to pay people to do what I (and others) do daily for longer stretches for free never seems to occur to them. That, for some, what I do daily is a career, albeit a very poorly paid one, never enters into the collective conscience.
I think a mitigating factor is her guilt about not being home with her kids (she's stated that she wants to stay at home with them a number of times) and, by putting me down, it makes her feel better. Whether that holds for the general population, I don't know; I suspect it does.
SmileyDad is right, of course, in his comment on my immediately prior post: there are much worse things that could be happening to me. But, somehow, it's the ducks that nibble me to death.
In other gripes (yes, I'm whining again!)... My sister thinks I'm depressed. She's full of shit. I'm not depressed; I'm overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I've got 2 businesses, a half-time job, and am a full-time mom hopped up on fertility drugs. Her response to that is that other people have other stuff that fills their time and they don't get overwhelmed. Well, I'm sorry - somehow I don't see filling one's time watching the nightly lineup on cable whilst having a well-earned margarita as being terribly overwhelming! She works fulltime and her kids are in daycare. She can go to the doctor's in the middle of the day by herself. She can have her nails done on lunch - by herself. She can drive in her car - by herself. When I talked to her, she was on her way to the gym - by herself. I would not trade my daughter (or any other children we manage to have) for the world but 24/7/365 gets a little oppressive and I am heartily sick and tired of people who work fulltime, don't have primary childcare responsibilities, and get their evenings to themselves because they're not working at night thinking my life is a bed of fucking de-thorned roses.
I think it all comes down to the fact that society in general doesn't see being a stay-at-home parent as being work. Somehow, the fact that they have to pay people to do what I (and others) do daily for longer stretches for free never seems to occur to them. That, for some, what I do daily is a career, albeit a very poorly paid one, never enters into the collective conscience.
I think a mitigating factor is her guilt about not being home with her kids (she's stated that she wants to stay at home with them a number of times) and, by putting me down, it makes her feel better. Whether that holds for the general population, I don't know; I suspect it does.
SmileyDad is right, of course, in his comment on my immediately prior post: there are much worse things that could be happening to me. But, somehow, it's the ducks that nibble me to death.
Jul 30, 2007
equipment.failure.and.behavioural.vortex
On.Saturday,.my.credit.card.machine.died.in.the.middle.of.the.show.I.was.doing.
On.Sunday,.my.normally.reasonably.well-behaved.daughter.ripped.the.drapes.down.in.a.restaurant.
Today?..You.may.have.guessed.this...the.space.bar.on.my.computer.died...Copying.the.hard.drive.tonight.so.I.can.send.it.for.warranty.service.tomorrow.
ARGH!
On.Sunday,.my.normally.reasonably.well-behaved.daughter.ripped.the.drapes.down.in.a.restaurant.
Today?..You.may.have.guessed.this...the.space.bar.on.my.computer.died...Copying.the.hard.drive.tonight.so.I.can.send.it.for.warranty.service.tomorrow.
ARGH!
Jul 17, 2007
Generalism
I am a generalist. This was brought home again to me tonight as I discussed with my husband my wish to someday study linguistics (and comparative religions and Quenya and French and economics and sociology and painting and costume design and metaphysics, and, and...). There is just not enough time in life to learn all I want to know. This is hard to accept, of course, so I slide through one subject to another, learning just enough to be conversant.
I struggle with being a generalist - the money's with the specialists, I know, and the glory, in general. Specialists can find a cure for cancer. Specialists can bring fresh water to third world countries. Specialists can send a man to the moon. Specialists can create a computer that thinks for itself (although, having seen Terminator 3, I am not so certain is a good idea.)
Still, we generalists have a lot to offer the world that specialists don't really - the breadth of our experiences breeds a compassion and ability to understand a vast array of situations at least a rudimentary level. I have found that, in general, most specialists are less able to do that - being so wrapped up in a single subject by necessity lessens the time available to develop a more comprehensive frame of reference. Generalists make good leaders for that reason. Generalists make good parents for that reason as well. Generalists are able to see beyond the controlled scientific parameters to real world repercussions. Generalists can extrapolate to the outside paradigm in a way that many specialists have difficult in doing.
I have made great progress in accepting myself as a generalist. I have accepted myself to the extent that I have been able to structure my life in a way that, for the most part, meets my generalist needs without an exceeding amount of guilt. My life's plethora of part time occupations, some paid, some not, is far more satisfying to my basic nature than a single focus.
/preachy metaphysical section
And, basically, if we try to fight our basic natures, aren't we trying to fight what The Light wants for us? If we accept that we are created in the image of The Light; to reject that is to reject The Light in some way, wouldn't you say? If you want my opinion, well, ok, even if you don't want it!... all that is required of us is to love. Not just each other but ourselves as well. I think, for some of us, the biggest struggle we have is to love ourselves. Is that The Dark at work? I can't say but I wouldn't doubt it. There is nothing The Dark loves more than to separate us from The Light. The Light wants us to love ourselves as reflections of Its love and Itself and when we fail to do that, we do give The Dark an opening.
/end preachy metaphysical section
So, whether you be a specialist and have the monetary and social rewards of same or a generalist and wondering what your worth could possibly be, remember The Light shines in all of us; it's just that some of us cast a broader, more diffused beam.
I, myself, will keep trying.
I struggle with being a generalist - the money's with the specialists, I know, and the glory, in general. Specialists can find a cure for cancer. Specialists can bring fresh water to third world countries. Specialists can send a man to the moon. Specialists can create a computer that thinks for itself (although, having seen Terminator 3, I am not so certain is a good idea.)
Still, we generalists have a lot to offer the world that specialists don't really - the breadth of our experiences breeds a compassion and ability to understand a vast array of situations at least a rudimentary level. I have found that, in general, most specialists are less able to do that - being so wrapped up in a single subject by necessity lessens the time available to develop a more comprehensive frame of reference. Generalists make good leaders for that reason. Generalists make good parents for that reason as well. Generalists are able to see beyond the controlled scientific parameters to real world repercussions. Generalists can extrapolate to the outside paradigm in a way that many specialists have difficult in doing.
I have made great progress in accepting myself as a generalist. I have accepted myself to the extent that I have been able to structure my life in a way that, for the most part, meets my generalist needs without an exceeding amount of guilt. My life's plethora of part time occupations, some paid, some not, is far more satisfying to my basic nature than a single focus.
/preachy metaphysical section
And, basically, if we try to fight our basic natures, aren't we trying to fight what The Light wants for us? If we accept that we are created in the image of The Light; to reject that is to reject The Light in some way, wouldn't you say? If you want my opinion, well, ok, even if you don't want it!... all that is required of us is to love. Not just each other but ourselves as well. I think, for some of us, the biggest struggle we have is to love ourselves. Is that The Dark at work? I can't say but I wouldn't doubt it. There is nothing The Dark loves more than to separate us from The Light. The Light wants us to love ourselves as reflections of Its love and Itself and when we fail to do that, we do give The Dark an opening.
/end preachy metaphysical section
So, whether you be a specialist and have the monetary and social rewards of same or a generalist and wondering what your worth could possibly be, remember The Light shines in all of us; it's just that some of us cast a broader, more diffused beam.
I, myself, will keep trying.
Jul 15, 2007
Yes Please
This is a pleased as punch post.
My daughter is upstairs wailing her fool head off and has been off and on for the last two hours.
So why am I pleased as punch?
Because this last time, when I went up, gave her Motrin, changed her diaper, rocked her, put her back to bed, and asked if she wanted her music on, she nodded (she hasn't say 'yes', as yes, yet; she typically nods and grunts). I said, "yes?", and she said, God bless her, "Yes please."
Can't beat that with a stick!
My daughter is upstairs wailing her fool head off and has been off and on for the last two hours.
So why am I pleased as punch?
Because this last time, when I went up, gave her Motrin, changed her diaper, rocked her, put her back to bed, and asked if she wanted her music on, she nodded (she hasn't say 'yes', as yes, yet; she typically nods and grunts). I said, "yes?", and she said, God bless her, "Yes please."
Can't beat that with a stick!
Jul 11, 2007
Jul 6, 2007
Eight is Enough
Ok, I was tagged by Jade and, as she said, since she did what I told her to do, turnabout is only fair play. Still, 8 things people don't know is kind of tough... Maybe it'll have to be 8 things *most* people don't know...
1. Um... Oh! I have one. When I was in sixth grade, some jerk dumped my purse in the toilet. Oh, wait a minute, you knew that one because I think it was in my memories leading up to my 40th. Ok... Here's one... I had to go to "Special Gym" as an elementary school student because my fine motor coordination was so poor. In Special Gym, we did things like traces our way through mazes with a pencil without letting the pencil touch the side "walls" of the maze. We also practiced making neat and tidy cuts with scissors.
2. When I was in 8th grade, I almost got beat up over a boy who didn't know I existed by said boy's jealous girlfriend. I got out of it because my friend Nora told her I wouldn't defend myself and she refused to fight anyone who wouldn't. Truth be told, I wouldn't have had the first idea *how* to defend myself!
3. When I was pregnant, I went through 3 sets of batteries for my vibrator. Heh heh heh... (TMI? Sorry - I'm only on 3 and I'm already stretching for things folks don't know.)
4. I think my mother is a spoiled brat.
5. I both loved and hated that my grandmother made almost all of my clothes in elementary school.
6. My feet were so wide as a child (EEE) that my shoes had to be special ordered. My feet remained disproportionately wide until I got pregnant then they stretched lengthwise and sometimes now I can buy medium width shoes.
7. I have always longed for a pair of leather pants (but am pretty sure they'd make me look as if the leather was still on the cow).
8. The best day of my life was not my wedding day nor the day Katie was born but the day I got my pilot's license. This probably says something horrible about me, which bothers me but the truth is what the truth is, I guess. I think why it's that way though is that while both the wedding day and the day Katie was born were the culmination of hard work and lots of love and were incredible moments in my life, each had so many complicating factors... exhaustion in both cases, looking after guests at the wedding, having just had major surgery after 36 hours of unproductive labor with Katie's birth... and the license was just pure elation. That license is the achievement I am proudest of - being a pilot didn't come naturally to me (coordination issues) but it is something I have wanted to do from the time I was very small and it still amazes me that I made that happen.
and a spare, in case you didn't like the vibrator one...
When I recall my wedding day, I immediately get a hint of a crick in my neck. John kept putting his arm around my shoulders - on *top* of the veil. This pulled my head back into a very unnatural position and resulted in me looking quite pained in many of our formal wedding pictures.
1. Um... Oh! I have one. When I was in sixth grade, some jerk dumped my purse in the toilet. Oh, wait a minute, you knew that one because I think it was in my memories leading up to my 40th. Ok... Here's one... I had to go to "Special Gym" as an elementary school student because my fine motor coordination was so poor. In Special Gym, we did things like traces our way through mazes with a pencil without letting the pencil touch the side "walls" of the maze. We also practiced making neat and tidy cuts with scissors.
2. When I was in 8th grade, I almost got beat up over a boy who didn't know I existed by said boy's jealous girlfriend. I got out of it because my friend Nora told her I wouldn't defend myself and she refused to fight anyone who wouldn't. Truth be told, I wouldn't have had the first idea *how* to defend myself!
3. When I was pregnant, I went through 3 sets of batteries for my vibrator. Heh heh heh... (TMI? Sorry - I'm only on 3 and I'm already stretching for things folks don't know.)
4. I think my mother is a spoiled brat.
5. I both loved and hated that my grandmother made almost all of my clothes in elementary school.
6. My feet were so wide as a child (EEE) that my shoes had to be special ordered. My feet remained disproportionately wide until I got pregnant then they stretched lengthwise and sometimes now I can buy medium width shoes.
7. I have always longed for a pair of leather pants (but am pretty sure they'd make me look as if the leather was still on the cow).
8. The best day of my life was not my wedding day nor the day Katie was born but the day I got my pilot's license. This probably says something horrible about me, which bothers me but the truth is what the truth is, I guess. I think why it's that way though is that while both the wedding day and the day Katie was born were the culmination of hard work and lots of love and were incredible moments in my life, each had so many complicating factors... exhaustion in both cases, looking after guests at the wedding, having just had major surgery after 36 hours of unproductive labor with Katie's birth... and the license was just pure elation. That license is the achievement I am proudest of - being a pilot didn't come naturally to me (coordination issues) but it is something I have wanted to do from the time I was very small and it still amazes me that I made that happen.
and a spare, in case you didn't like the vibrator one...
When I recall my wedding day, I immediately get a hint of a crick in my neck. John kept putting his arm around my shoulders - on *top* of the veil. This pulled my head back into a very unnatural position and resulted in me looking quite pained in many of our formal wedding pictures.
Jul 5, 2007
I Think I've Lost It
My cellphone, that is. We left for the weekend and realized, about 15 minutes down the road, that I didn't have my cellphone. Eh, says I, let's just keep going; I'm not going to need it this weekend anyway. Welp, shoulda turned back when I could've still dialed my cellphone to find it by its ring. Battery is dead (tried calling, went straight to vmail). I know it is in this house somewhere. God alone knows where. We have looked and looked and looked. I don't want to have to buy a new one. They're expensive and I'd have to get the totally ungadgety one given my budget (whine!!!!). I want MY cellphone (even if the battery is going and it's all scraped up - it's mine, darn it!) (WHIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.)
Ok, on to other things.
Been having weird dreams lately. I don't like weird dreams. Frankly, I can almost handle the dreams where people are trying to kill me (I get those a lot) better than the weird ones that leave me disconsolate. I dreamed, for instance, that I went with my husband to a wedding in the city where I grew up. We hadn't thought we were going to make it but wound up being able to go to the reception, which was at a club. Now, for some reason, we brought some kind of cake with raspberry goo and coconut on it and when the bouncer saw us, he refused to believe we were invited because of the cake. We convinced him to at least let us leave the bride a note so that she would know we had been there. In the process of writing the note, we managed to sneak into the reception. Ok, so far so good, if a bit weird. The reception is now over. We're headed out. For some reason, John goes to get the car while I stay there. He never shows up with the car. It gets later, more people leave, eventually the parking lot across the street is empty but for 2 or 3 cars and I am forced to admit to myself that he left without me. Uh oh. Not good. Going to have to walk the 30 miles back out to the house where I grew up. The dream then cut to a scene with John and myself where it becomes clear that he didn't just leave without me, he left me, period. Apparently because he was sick and tired of me having to go back inside places to get my jacket(s). In the dream, I am confused and distraught. I wake up and am confused and disconsolate.
That dream was followed by one where I was on the phone with the head of the Parks and Rec department trying to sign Katie up for swimming and him insisting heatedly that he didn't think I should do that. Like talking to a wall.
And that, in general, about sums up our trip to Syracuse this past weekend - tiring, frustrating, and discombobulating.
Ok, on to other things.
Been having weird dreams lately. I don't like weird dreams. Frankly, I can almost handle the dreams where people are trying to kill me (I get those a lot) better than the weird ones that leave me disconsolate. I dreamed, for instance, that I went with my husband to a wedding in the city where I grew up. We hadn't thought we were going to make it but wound up being able to go to the reception, which was at a club. Now, for some reason, we brought some kind of cake with raspberry goo and coconut on it and when the bouncer saw us, he refused to believe we were invited because of the cake. We convinced him to at least let us leave the bride a note so that she would know we had been there. In the process of writing the note, we managed to sneak into the reception. Ok, so far so good, if a bit weird. The reception is now over. We're headed out. For some reason, John goes to get the car while I stay there. He never shows up with the car. It gets later, more people leave, eventually the parking lot across the street is empty but for 2 or 3 cars and I am forced to admit to myself that he left without me. Uh oh. Not good. Going to have to walk the 30 miles back out to the house where I grew up. The dream then cut to a scene with John and myself where it becomes clear that he didn't just leave without me, he left me, period. Apparently because he was sick and tired of me having to go back inside places to get my jacket(s). In the dream, I am confused and distraught. I wake up and am confused and disconsolate.
That dream was followed by one where I was on the phone with the head of the Parks and Rec department trying to sign Katie up for swimming and him insisting heatedly that he didn't think I should do that. Like talking to a wall.
And that, in general, about sums up our trip to Syracuse this past weekend - tiring, frustrating, and discombobulating.
Jun 24, 2007
Oh, and...
I forgot to say that I've finally gotten the shopping cart and the webstats added to my jewelry website - if you have a chance, poke around the site for me a bit so I can make sure the stats are working? Thanks! (www.silveryeverafter.com)
Jun 23, 2007
So I'm Listening to My iTunes...
and I'm actually listening to a couple of new songs (new to me, not new new) that I downloaded the other day. And you know, sometimes, you just happen on lyrics that make you laugh because you could've written them? Well, a couple of The Bacon Brothers' (yes, Kevin Bacon and his brother) tunes hit me like that...
From a song called T.M.I.
"I could've made it through this day
feeling perfectly ok
having never heard a single word
of what you just chose to say."
From Not Born to Beauty
"less like Kirk, more like Spock
not born to beauty, born to rock..."
Ok, first off, it's just wicked cool to come across a ST:TOS reference in a non-parody song on iTunes. Secondly, I was at a graduation party today where the grandmother of the graduate interrogated me about the graduate's mother's love life. Ok, yes, I know more about the mom's love life than the grandmother does but, no, I don't think I need to share this and, frankly, "I could've made it through this day feeling perfectly ok, having never heard a single word of what [she] just chose to say..."
Just thought it was cool. Check out the songs on iTunes if you get a chance. Also check out a group called Immaculate Machine, if you have the time!
From a song called T.M.I.
"I could've made it through this day
feeling perfectly ok
having never heard a single word
of what you just chose to say."
From Not Born to Beauty
"less like Kirk, more like Spock
not born to beauty, born to rock..."
Ok, first off, it's just wicked cool to come across a ST:TOS reference in a non-parody song on iTunes. Secondly, I was at a graduation party today where the grandmother of the graduate interrogated me about the graduate's mother's love life. Ok, yes, I know more about the mom's love life than the grandmother does but, no, I don't think I need to share this and, frankly, "I could've made it through this day feeling perfectly ok, having never heard a single word of what [she] just chose to say..."
Just thought it was cool. Check out the songs on iTunes if you get a chance. Also check out a group called Immaculate Machine, if you have the time!
Jun 16, 2007
I Will. I Will Not.
June 22nd is Friday next.
I will not allow
myself
the masochistic luxury of
guilt.
I will paste a
veneer of
courage
on my psyche.
I will not
wallow.
Well,
not much.
I will move
onward,
trudging toward
another
day.
I will not lose
myself
in
blame of my body,
blame of my soul.
I will, indeed, so many things.
I will not.
I will not allow
myself
the masochistic luxury of
guilt.
I will paste a
veneer of
courage
on my psyche.
I will not
wallow.
Well,
not much.
I will move
onward,
trudging toward
another
day.
I will not lose
myself
in
blame of my body,
blame of my soul.
I will, indeed, so many things.
I will not.
I am not.
June 22nd is Friday next.
I am not
as swollen
as a helium balloon
tied to a mailbox
in the
sun.
I am not
breathing hard
when I
climb
the stairs.
I am not
emotionally secure.
I am not the person
I'd thought
to be.
I am not so many things.
I am.
I am not
as swollen
as a helium balloon
tied to a mailbox
in the
sun.
I am not
breathing hard
when I
climb
the stairs.
I am not
emotionally secure.
I am not the person
I'd thought
to be.
I am not so many things.
I am.
I am.
June 22nd is Friday next.
I am
taking Clomid.
I am
watching what I
eat.
I am
sleeping
well
if you discount the
weird dreams
of
assassins chasing me
through identities
and awakenings.
I am
the mother of one
and the wife of
another.
I am so many things.
I am not.
I am
taking Clomid.
I am
watching what I
eat.
I am
sleeping
well
if you discount the
weird dreams
of
assassins chasing me
through identities
and awakenings.
I am
the mother of one
and the wife of
another.
I am so many things.
I am not.
I Should Not Be
June 22nd is Friday next.
I should not be drinking pomegranate
martinis
and finishing that bottle of
Shiraz in the fridge so
that it won't
turn to
vinegar.
I should not be sleeping
peacefully
through the night.
I should not be terribly
emotionally
uncomfortable.
I should not be so
aware
of my physical deficiencies
as a woman.
I should not be
so many things.
I am.
I should not be drinking pomegranate
martinis
and finishing that bottle of
Shiraz in the fridge so
that it won't
turn to
vinegar.
I should not be sleeping
peacefully
through the night.
I should not be terribly
emotionally
uncomfortable.
I should not be so
aware
of my physical deficiencies
as a woman.
I should not be
so many things.
I am.
I Should Be
June 22nd is Friday next.
I should be checking my bag.
I should be terribly
physically
uncomfortable.
I should be making plans
for
child care.
I should be making the
final
adjustments to furniture
and digging through
Rubbermaid storage bins.
I should be seeing
my doctor.
I should be
so many things.
I am not.
I should be checking my bag.
I should be terribly
physically
uncomfortable.
I should be making plans
for
child care.
I should be making the
final
adjustments to furniture
and digging through
Rubbermaid storage bins.
I should be seeing
my doctor.
I should be
so many things.
I am not.
Jun 10, 2007
End of the Season
Yes, choir season has reached an end. Treble Clef Choir sang our last Mass until September today. And, man, we kicked butt. Yeah, I know it's church not a competition but we crammed a lot of music into that service and we did a really good job. We sang Paul Halley's SSAA arrangement of How Can I Keep From Singing?; we sang a good chunk of the Gloria; we sang 2 descants; etc. etc.; and we sang an SSA arrangement of Going Up'a Yonder (which yours truly had a solo in.)
Our church was built in the late 1800s (click here for the website and then click on tour (second from the bottom on the left)) and the acoustics are marvelous - it is a glorious church to sing in. We typically sing from the choir loft and during pre-Mass rehearsals, it's not uncommon to have the echo last well past when our voices stop producing sound. This doesn't often happen during Mass though due to the influx of human sound absorbers (i.e., parishioners who have the nerve to soak up sound! ;-) ). We sang Goin' Up'A Yonder from downstairs and we rocked. It was just glorious. And the sound rang for a long moment after we finished singing.
The sound just spun - it floated there with a sentience beyond comprehension, suspending us all in just the pure joy of beautiful sound. It was one of those amazing moments in performance when you feel like anything is possible and that God is truly using your voice to wrap Gods-self through people's hearts and minds.
It was, simply, magic. And I feel so privileged and honored to have been a part of that.
What a way to end the season, huh?
Our church was built in the late 1800s (click here for the website and then click on tour (second from the bottom on the left)) and the acoustics are marvelous - it is a glorious church to sing in. We typically sing from the choir loft and during pre-Mass rehearsals, it's not uncommon to have the echo last well past when our voices stop producing sound. This doesn't often happen during Mass though due to the influx of human sound absorbers (i.e., parishioners who have the nerve to soak up sound! ;-) ). We sang Goin' Up'A Yonder from downstairs and we rocked. It was just glorious. And the sound rang for a long moment after we finished singing.
The sound just spun - it floated there with a sentience beyond comprehension, suspending us all in just the pure joy of beautiful sound. It was one of those amazing moments in performance when you feel like anything is possible and that God is truly using your voice to wrap Gods-self through people's hearts and minds.
It was, simply, magic. And I feel so privileged and honored to have been a part of that.
What a way to end the season, huh?
Jun 4, 2007
In Case You Were Wondering
I'm down for the count with a case of food poisoning. The fever's let up but nutrient just aren't staying where they're supposed to (i.e., inside).
Started Cipro today. So what if one of the side effects of Cipro is diarrhea? At least I'll be well-covered in case of Anthrax!
And, now, I'm going back to bed.
With, um, a stop at the bathroom.
Started Cipro today. So what if one of the side effects of Cipro is diarrhea? At least I'll be well-covered in case of Anthrax!
And, now, I'm going back to bed.
With, um, a stop at the bathroom.
May 23, 2007
Quite the Weekend
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Hey, I'm tired, blatent ripoffs should be excused!
Ok, let's do the worst first: Friday night, we packed the car and got all ready to leave early Saturday a.m. We get to bed about 1 a.m.; nerves keep me awake until at least 2 and probably closer to 2:30. No big deal; I'll sleep tomorrow.
Well, no sleep in the car, no big deal. I'll sleep tonight.
Katie didn't sleep. Ok, not quite true. She slept for my parents while we were out with my sister and brother-in-law. She woke up when we got home and screamed or fussed for the entire rest of the night. If we were home, we would have let her scream and fuss after a bit BUT, of course, we were not home and there were other people to consider (though, frankly, given my mother's habit of crashing and banging around in the early a.m. and waking everyone up at ungodly hours, I don't know why we bothered!). So, we didn't sleep. At all. I finally gave up at 7:30 a.m. and got up to let John get a couple hours since he had to drive. I called in sick to work Sunday night. I just couldn't do it.
Ok, that's the worst of times...
The show? Went *ex-treme-ly* well!! Sold a ton of stuff and, what was most gratifying to me, even beyond the profit, was that people bought multiple items so I know they really liked my stuff and weren't just buying out of obligation. I have since heard that my sister's friends are asking when she's going to have another one!! WOOHOO!!!!!! If I can keep up doing shows at that magnitude, I will meet my goal of turning a profit within two years. Praise the Lord and pass the jewelery pliers.
Now I gear up for the Manchester Art Association show a week from Sunday. :) Feeling much better about this whole thing? I am indeed!
Thanks for asking, SmileyMamaT!
Hey, I'm tired, blatent ripoffs should be excused!
Ok, let's do the worst first: Friday night, we packed the car and got all ready to leave early Saturday a.m. We get to bed about 1 a.m.; nerves keep me awake until at least 2 and probably closer to 2:30. No big deal; I'll sleep tomorrow.
Well, no sleep in the car, no big deal. I'll sleep tonight.
Katie didn't sleep. Ok, not quite true. She slept for my parents while we were out with my sister and brother-in-law. She woke up when we got home and screamed or fussed for the entire rest of the night. If we were home, we would have let her scream and fuss after a bit BUT, of course, we were not home and there were other people to consider (though, frankly, given my mother's habit of crashing and banging around in the early a.m. and waking everyone up at ungodly hours, I don't know why we bothered!). So, we didn't sleep. At all. I finally gave up at 7:30 a.m. and got up to let John get a couple hours since he had to drive. I called in sick to work Sunday night. I just couldn't do it.
Ok, that's the worst of times...
The show? Went *ex-treme-ly* well!! Sold a ton of stuff and, what was most gratifying to me, even beyond the profit, was that people bought multiple items so I know they really liked my stuff and weren't just buying out of obligation. I have since heard that my sister's friends are asking when she's going to have another one!! WOOHOO!!!!!! If I can keep up doing shows at that magnitude, I will meet my goal of turning a profit within two years. Praise the Lord and pass the jewelery pliers.
Now I gear up for the Manchester Art Association show a week from Sunday. :) Feeling much better about this whole thing? I am indeed!
Thanks for asking, SmileyMamaT!
May 17, 2007
A Pictorial Update
My beautiful fuschias, because I promised...
Bleeding Heart at the front steps:
Her first ponytail. She looks so grownup. Whimper.
But she's still my baby... This one is for my late Aunt Ann who, one Christmas, gave every single person in my immediate family Groucho glasses (including my grandmother).
Bleeding Heart at the front steps:
Her first ponytail. She looks so grownup. Whimper.
But she's still my baby... This one is for my late Aunt Ann who, one Christmas, gave every single person in my immediate family Groucho glasses (including my grandmother).
May 14, 2007
Wicked Nervous
So. Saturday is fast approaching. I have my first jewelry home party/exhibit on Saturday. I get to put my artistic vision out there to be loved and admired and purchased... or ignored.
It's a home party, you say; everybody that goes to those knows they're expected to buy something. True enough. So I was looking forward to it. It's at my sister's; she's a born saleswoman with a lot of friends.
(There's a "but" coming, can you tell?)
BUT she's now selling Bijou handbags and plans to sell those at the party as well. Poof, my sales go up in smoke. Or patent leather. Whichever.
Eh, don't mind me. I'm just wicked nervous.
And neurotic.
That too.
It's a home party, you say; everybody that goes to those knows they're expected to buy something. True enough. So I was looking forward to it. It's at my sister's; she's a born saleswoman with a lot of friends.
(There's a "but" coming, can you tell?)
BUT she's now selling Bijou handbags and plans to sell those at the party as well. Poof, my sales go up in smoke. Or patent leather. Whichever.
Eh, don't mind me. I'm just wicked nervous.
And neurotic.
That too.
May 11, 2007
May 6, 2007
Not Dead, Honest (*edited to fix link - thanks SMT!!*)
Although I am dead tired... ;) and this will be short and somewhat rambling... (We have a newspaper sports columnist here who does this sort of thing occasionally and called it "half-baked Jake" - his name is Jeff Jacobs. No, I'm not sure where I thought I was going with that either.
Well, I have duly completed my 4th decade. We celebrated like mad on the 21st with our friends and more sedately with family on the 28th - let's stretch the fun out!! Unfortunately, all the cake has now been eaten and I'm suffering from chocolate cake withdrawal - cake, damn it, I need more cake!!
I've also entered into (as of Thursday) my 2nd decade of marriage. Yep, we made it 10 years. Hard to believe but there you have it!
The jewelry website (http://www.silveryeverafter.com) was recently updated (i.e., I spent my whole frellin' week futzing with thing and, despite a breakdown where all my pictures went bye-bye the other night (thank you VERY much, Jade, for helping me with that!!!!), it's finally up to date. I really ought to split the index pages for each type into more than one page, they're getting overly long but, nope, not now. It will have to wait for the next time around.
I have my first home exhibit for the jewelry in 2 weeks and I'm frantically trying to get ready for that.
I'd really like to get back to my poetry book but, at this point, it just ain't happenin'. It will. Eventually.
Still no luck on the reproductive front. If not this cycle, we go see the doctor to talk about options. Not sure what those options are, given our insurance (which covers diddly-squat) and our unwillingness to do follicle studies, but, hey, I'm game to listen. Probably Clomid. Just what I need ... more raging hormones! Ever since the miscarriage, the emotional aspect of my PMS has been absolutely out-of-control. It's weird. It's like the time they switched my birth control pills from the mini-pill to the not-quite-full-but-not-quite-mini version. Tears at the drop of a hat and c-r-a-n-k-y.
The Katester is turning into quite the todder... no. no. no. no. I think she says that word more to me than I do to her maybe. Suffice it to say, it's probably the most frequently spoken word in our household, exceeding even "potty".
I'm not getting any skinnier thanks to a world-class case of stress-eating BUT I noticed today that a whole day's worth of gardening (all breaking new beds) wasn't 1/2 as tiring as it was last year. So it seems those weights are helping after all.
And, on the last note before I stop boring you all, I found fuschias at the grocery two weeks ago and bought two. I love fuschias and I don't typically find them around here. Well, I didn't know what color they would be but I noticed today that the first blooms have opened and they're the lovely fuschia color on the outside and royal purple on the inside - so pretty! I'll post a pic when I do the next upload.
Well, I have duly completed my 4th decade. We celebrated like mad on the 21st with our friends and more sedately with family on the 28th - let's stretch the fun out!! Unfortunately, all the cake has now been eaten and I'm suffering from chocolate cake withdrawal - cake, damn it, I need more cake!!
I've also entered into (as of Thursday) my 2nd decade of marriage. Yep, we made it 10 years. Hard to believe but there you have it!
The jewelry website (http://www.silveryeverafter.com) was recently updated (i.e., I spent my whole frellin' week futzing with thing and, despite a breakdown where all my pictures went bye-bye the other night (thank you VERY much, Jade, for helping me with that!!!!), it's finally up to date. I really ought to split the index pages for each type into more than one page, they're getting overly long but, nope, not now. It will have to wait for the next time around.
I have my first home exhibit for the jewelry in 2 weeks and I'm frantically trying to get ready for that.
I'd really like to get back to my poetry book but, at this point, it just ain't happenin'. It will. Eventually.
Still no luck on the reproductive front. If not this cycle, we go see the doctor to talk about options. Not sure what those options are, given our insurance (which covers diddly-squat) and our unwillingness to do follicle studies, but, hey, I'm game to listen. Probably Clomid. Just what I need ... more raging hormones! Ever since the miscarriage, the emotional aspect of my PMS has been absolutely out-of-control. It's weird. It's like the time they switched my birth control pills from the mini-pill to the not-quite-full-but-not-quite-mini version. Tears at the drop of a hat and c-r-a-n-k-y.
The Katester is turning into quite the todder... no. no. no. no. I think she says that word more to me than I do to her maybe. Suffice it to say, it's probably the most frequently spoken word in our household, exceeding even "potty".
I'm not getting any skinnier thanks to a world-class case of stress-eating BUT I noticed today that a whole day's worth of gardening (all breaking new beds) wasn't 1/2 as tiring as it was last year. So it seems those weights are helping after all.
And, on the last note before I stop boring you all, I found fuschias at the grocery two weeks ago and bought two. I love fuschias and I don't typically find them around here. Well, I didn't know what color they would be but I noticed today that the first blooms have opened and they're the lovely fuschia color on the outside and royal purple on the inside - so pretty! I'll post a pic when I do the next upload.
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